Our self-esteem is not constant; it fluctuates on a continuum. Instead of being something we either have or don’t have, self-esteem varies in degrees. The lower our self-esteem, the less confidence we have in ourselves and the less worthy we feel. The higher our self-esteem, the more confident, competent, and worthy we feel. Self-esteem is also not something that we can earn and store away for later - like a retirement account. It is something we must earn daily - like a paycheck. And, although not all primary sources of self-esteem are under our control (such as early childhood experiences and genetic make-up) it is primarily our thoughts, choices and actions which determine our level of self-esteem. Behavior and self-esteem are reciprocal. They are both a cause and consequence of each other.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 12, 2010
March 11, 2010
Build a Good Reputation...With Yourself.
With the right focus and effort, a miraculous thing will begin to happen. You will start to build a reputation with yourself as being an honest and responsible individual. You will trust yourself and believe in yourself. You will develop a true sense of pride and satisfaction in the things that you do. Ultimately, it is changing this inner concept of yourself, your self-esteem - the part of you that no one else can see - which is the most important.
March 10, 2010
The best of both worlds?
In the past, many of us have sought the “best of both worlds”. We would pretend to be responsible so we could continue to enjoy the comfort and affection of family and friends. At the same time, we would secretly enjoy the excitement and “proof of power” that comes with irresponsible and criminal behavior. Naturally, a responsible way of life cannot work this way.
If your goal is to be responsible, mixing responsibility with irresponsibility is like taking strychnine with your morning vitamins - the goodness of one simply cannot remedy the bad effects of the other. Our good deeds can never make up for our bad ones, and eventually we will suffer the consequences of trying to lead a double life.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
If your goal is to be responsible, mixing responsibility with irresponsibility is like taking strychnine with your morning vitamins - the goodness of one simply cannot remedy the bad effects of the other. Our good deeds can never make up for our bad ones, and eventually we will suffer the consequences of trying to lead a double life.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 9, 2010
A mans thinking
Our thinking guides our choices and crime is always a choice. We are not forced to commit a crime; we alone have control over our actions. We all have knowledge of right and wrong. Most of us are also capable of feeling the full effects of a guilty conscience and the dissonance associated with irresponsible behavior. We know it is wrong to murder, steal, and hurt others. That’s why we attempt to cover up our crimes. And even when we get caught, most of us try to hide the full knowledge of our crimes from others.
An individual’s actions are simply a reflection of the action in his mind. However, many different things combine to form the action within one’s mind. The way a man thinks is not only influenced by what he knows, but more importantly, by his perceptions of himself, others, and the world around him - his point-of-view. In turn, the way a man perceives reality is influenced by many things, including genetics, assumptions and expectations based on past experiences and his relationship with himself - or his self- esteem.
An individual’s actions are simply a reflection of the action in his mind. However, many different things combine to form the action within one’s mind. The way a man thinks is not only influenced by what he knows, but more importantly, by his perceptions of himself, others, and the world around him - his point-of-view. In turn, the way a man perceives reality is influenced by many things, including genetics, assumptions and expectations based on past experiences and his relationship with himself - or his self- esteem.
March 8, 2010
The Rewards of Responsible Living
It is important to start our responsible journey with a positive perspective and attitude. We’ve all lived responsibly at various times in the past. To succeed now, we must simply put together a series of these responsible choices and begin to stabilize our lives. And we must believe in ourselves.
Responsible living has many rewards. A major one is the peace of mind that comes with a clean conscience. We will no longer need to constantly look over our shoulder, and worry about being caught and punished.
Living responsibly also brings with it true personal freedom.
• Freedom to realize our potential
• Freedom to use our talents
• Freedom from personal jeopardy
• Freedom to grow and develop
• Freedom from the misery of a guilty conscience
• Freedom to openly be ourselves.
The constant worry and anxiety that are part of living a life of lies will disappear. Instead, there will be a sense of pride, self-respect and integrity. Spiritual and intellectual suffocation will be replaced with the sense of accomplishment and self-esteem that comes from an honest day’s work. Gradually, we will begin to trust ourselves and earn the trust and respect of others.
These rewards are non-existent in the criminal way of life. As criminals, we are never satisfied. The more we get, the more we want. The more we succeed, the more we crave success. The more we prove ourselves, the more often we feel the need to prove ourselves again. Nothing is ever good enough for us, not even ourselves.
Sure a criminal life can be exciting, but that’s not to say that a responsible life is devoid of excitement or pleasure. It simply takes a different form. And over time, it becomes even more exciting, pleasurable, and fulfilling as we begin to build a life for ourselves and start earning the trust and respect of others. With this comes an inner peace that money can’t buy.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
Responsible living has many rewards. A major one is the peace of mind that comes with a clean conscience. We will no longer need to constantly look over our shoulder, and worry about being caught and punished.
Living responsibly also brings with it true personal freedom.
• Freedom to realize our potential
• Freedom to use our talents
• Freedom from personal jeopardy
• Freedom to grow and develop
• Freedom from the misery of a guilty conscience
• Freedom to openly be ourselves.
The constant worry and anxiety that are part of living a life of lies will disappear. Instead, there will be a sense of pride, self-respect and integrity. Spiritual and intellectual suffocation will be replaced with the sense of accomplishment and self-esteem that comes from an honest day’s work. Gradually, we will begin to trust ourselves and earn the trust and respect of others.
These rewards are non-existent in the criminal way of life. As criminals, we are never satisfied. The more we get, the more we want. The more we succeed, the more we crave success. The more we prove ourselves, the more often we feel the need to prove ourselves again. Nothing is ever good enough for us, not even ourselves.
Sure a criminal life can be exciting, but that’s not to say that a responsible life is devoid of excitement or pleasure. It simply takes a different form. And over time, it becomes even more exciting, pleasurable, and fulfilling as we begin to build a life for ourselves and start earning the trust and respect of others. With this comes an inner peace that money can’t buy.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 6, 2010
The Consequences of Responsible Living
In order to prepare ourselves to live responsibly, it is important to recognize and accept all of the consequences of our decision to change. Not only must we understand the rewarding consequences, but also the difficult ones. If we ever hope to change in a lasting way, we must start by understanding what change really means – and what it entails.
The consequences of our decision to live a responsible life can be as difficult as they are rewarding and enjoyable. Living responsibly requires more effort and sacrifice than simply doing what we want when we want to do it. Taking responsibility entails problem solving, fact finding, sacrifice, and self-motivation. We must learn to deal constructively with disappointment and adversity. And, we need to accept restraints and acknowledge that we cannot control everything.
We will also have to do things that, in the past, were difficult for us. We will need to swallow our pride and resist our desire to get even when we feel disrespected. And, we will be required to put the needs and feelings of others above our own.
To live responsibly, we will have to follow all the rules - even those we don’t understand or agree with. We might not comprehend the necessity of a certain rule, however, that does not give us license to disregard it. Certainly, if we do not understand a rule or think it is unfair, we can attempt to have it changed. But, we cannot ever behave as if it doesn’t exist just because it doesn’t fall in line with our own idea of what is right.
As we begin to struggle with responsibility, it is inevitable that at times we will become bored and even somewhat depressed. We will miss the excitement of our past way of life. However, we can relieve the boredom by continuously focusing on all the little details of changing ourselves and learning to live responsibly.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
The consequences of our decision to live a responsible life can be as difficult as they are rewarding and enjoyable. Living responsibly requires more effort and sacrifice than simply doing what we want when we want to do it. Taking responsibility entails problem solving, fact finding, sacrifice, and self-motivation. We must learn to deal constructively with disappointment and adversity. And, we need to accept restraints and acknowledge that we cannot control everything.
We will also have to do things that, in the past, were difficult for us. We will need to swallow our pride and resist our desire to get even when we feel disrespected. And, we will be required to put the needs and feelings of others above our own.
To live responsibly, we will have to follow all the rules - even those we don’t understand or agree with. We might not comprehend the necessity of a certain rule, however, that does not give us license to disregard it. Certainly, if we do not understand a rule or think it is unfair, we can attempt to have it changed. But, we cannot ever behave as if it doesn’t exist just because it doesn’t fall in line with our own idea of what is right.
As we begin to struggle with responsibility, it is inevitable that at times we will become bored and even somewhat depressed. We will miss the excitement of our past way of life. However, we can relieve the boredom by continuously focusing on all the little details of changing ourselves and learning to live responsibly.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 5, 2010
Consequences
When we act irresponsibly, we may benefit somewhat in the short-term, but in the end, we will suffer a consequence because of the nature of cause and effect. If we call in sick to work because there is something else we want to do, we may benefit for the moment because we get to do what we wanted to do. But, we also risk losing our job and the things our salary provides. And, even if we are not caught, we may lose our pay for the day and also risk damaging our sense of self-esteem as a result of lying. Likewise, if we choose to watch television instead of studying for an important exam, it may be easier and more enjoyable at the time, but we won’t do as well on the exam and we may even fail. These consequences don’t happen as a punishment, but simply because that is the way life is.
In my own life, I have found the same thing. My irresponsible choices usually had some short-term benefits, but they were far outweighed by the long-term consequences. Living irresponsibly is like buying on credit. By the time we pay it off, we’ve paid far more than it was worth. Conversely, while responsible choices may require sacrifices and take effort, they usually lead to increasingly positive rewards in the future. Struggling to live responsibly is like making an investment - an investment in our future – that will pay dividends. I’ve found that responsible behavior usually pays dividends. The total benefit of my responsible actions is often greater than my initial investment of time, energy, and effort.
Every little thing we do - every choice, every thought and every act - unquestionably plays a role in dictating the consequences of our lives. And although we can choose to pay now or pay later, eventually we will always pay.
In my own life, I have found the same thing. My irresponsible choices usually had some short-term benefits, but they were far outweighed by the long-term consequences. Living irresponsibly is like buying on credit. By the time we pay it off, we’ve paid far more than it was worth. Conversely, while responsible choices may require sacrifices and take effort, they usually lead to increasingly positive rewards in the future. Struggling to live responsibly is like making an investment - an investment in our future – that will pay dividends. I’ve found that responsible behavior usually pays dividends. The total benefit of my responsible actions is often greater than my initial investment of time, energy, and effort.
Every little thing we do - every choice, every thought and every act - unquestionably plays a role in dictating the consequences of our lives. And although we can choose to pay now or pay later, eventually we will always pay.
March 4, 2010
Our Higher Power
In order to provide the moral foundation and guidance necessary to turn our lives around, I believe that we must find and accept a power greater than ourselves. Accepting the existence of this higher power can help strengthen us and help us find the consistency, resolve, and courage we need to change.
Some people may find it difficult to believe in a higher power. For much of my life, I was the same way. But then I looked at the world around me and realized that it couldn’t have happened by accident. Believing our world and universe was created by some sort of random explosion is like believing that we could detonate a pile of garbage and then, when the dust cleared, have a fully furnished house complete with cable television and a well-stocked refrigerator.
There is just too much purpose and harmony in this world for there to be no purpose in life. There is too much diversity. Our existence is too structured, too balanced, and too wonderfully beautiful for there to be no divine providence.
However, even though I truly believe in a loving God who wants the best for each of us, I am not trying to convert anyone to my religious beliefs. Your higher power or higher purpose may take any form you envision. It may be God. Or it may be honesty, truth, family, love, freedom, or even success.
"Mental health requires that the human will submit itself to something higher than itself. To function decently in this world we must submit ourselves to some principle that takes precedence over what we might want at any given moment."
Some people may find it difficult to believe in a higher power. For much of my life, I was the same way. But then I looked at the world around me and realized that it couldn’t have happened by accident. Believing our world and universe was created by some sort of random explosion is like believing that we could detonate a pile of garbage and then, when the dust cleared, have a fully furnished house complete with cable television and a well-stocked refrigerator.
There is just too much purpose and harmony in this world for there to be no purpose in life. There is too much diversity. Our existence is too structured, too balanced, and too wonderfully beautiful for there to be no divine providence.
However, even though I truly believe in a loving God who wants the best for each of us, I am not trying to convert anyone to my religious beliefs. Your higher power or higher purpose may take any form you envision. It may be God. Or it may be honesty, truth, family, love, freedom, or even success.
"Mental health requires that the human will submit itself to something higher than itself. To function decently in this world we must submit ourselves to some principle that takes precedence over what we might want at any given moment."
March 3, 2010
Moral Inventory
The next step in our preparation to change should be to take an inventory of our lives. In order to take a proper inventory we need to:
• Write down all the things we have done wrong in our lives and list the consequences – for ourselves and others. This step will take some time. It is not good enough to quickly scan our lives and say, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes and being in jail has been miserable for me,” and then be finished.
• Be thorough. For our list to be effective, we must drop all our defenses and write down every crime, irresponsible behavior and lie that we can remember.
• Search out all the flaws and faults in ourselves which may have contributed to this criminal lifestyle. It is important to figure out why we have made the choices that we did.
• List our fears and resentments.
• Make amends and restitution whenever possible. There will be some wrongs which we can never right, but we must make an honest attempt to make things right.
• Write down all the things we have done wrong in our lives and list the consequences – for ourselves and others. This step will take some time. It is not good enough to quickly scan our lives and say, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes and being in jail has been miserable for me,” and then be finished.
• Be thorough. For our list to be effective, we must drop all our defenses and write down every crime, irresponsible behavior and lie that we can remember.
• Search out all the flaws and faults in ourselves which may have contributed to this criminal lifestyle. It is important to figure out why we have made the choices that we did.
• List our fears and resentments.
• Make amends and restitution whenever possible. There will be some wrongs which we can never right, but we must make an honest attempt to make things right.
March 2, 2010
Prepare to Change
To prepare for the change process, we should first:
• Formalize the acceptance of our problems and confirm our commitment to change. We can do this by declaring, not only to ourselves but also to another person, that we have been irresponsibel and committed crimes - and that we intend to do something to turn our lives around.
• Accept full responsibility for our past, present, and future choices.
• Stop blaming others for our problems and seeing ourselves as victims of life’s circumstances when we suffer the harsh consequences of our actions.
• Recognize and accept that our success, or failure, in life is fully dependent on the choices we make.
As human beings with intelligence, self-awareness and free will, we have the responsibility (response - ability) to be the cause of the consequences we want in our lives. We have the ability to respond to the circumstances in our life in a way that leads to success and happiness.
• Formalize the acceptance of our problems and confirm our commitment to change. We can do this by declaring, not only to ourselves but also to another person, that we have been irresponsibel and committed crimes - and that we intend to do something to turn our lives around.
• Accept full responsibility for our past, present, and future choices.
• Stop blaming others for our problems and seeing ourselves as victims of life’s circumstances when we suffer the harsh consequences of our actions.
• Recognize and accept that our success, or failure, in life is fully dependent on the choices we make.
As human beings with intelligence, self-awareness and free will, we have the responsibility (response - ability) to be the cause of the consequences we want in our lives. We have the ability to respond to the circumstances in our life in a way that leads to success and happiness.
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