Service

The best way to get over feeling sorry for yourself is to serve others.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Obligations

When you fulfill your obligations to others you ultimately fulfill an obligation to yourself.


http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Judging right and wrong

The easiest way to judge between right and wrong is to assess the potential consequences of our choices and behavior. We should also examine whether our values, standards, and beliefs are causing the consequences we want in our lives.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

A Clean Conscience

Our conscience is like a mirror in which our soul reflects upon itself and weighs what it sees against the highest standard of reality we perceive. And, much like any mirror, this reflection will become more realistic and clearer when we clean it. When we eliminate the blemishes caused by our past atrocities (along with their excuses and justifications) we enable ourselves to recognize reality and see things more clearly. Not only do we increase our ability to realistically judge between wrong and right, but we also augment our human capacity to be emotionally guided by this judgment.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Our Conscience

I believe that as human beings we are innately moral creatures. Most of us have the internal ability to judge between right and wrong, good and bad. And, we have the capacity to be emotionally guided by this judgment. We have a conscience. However, listening to our conscience requires effort and sacrifice. It requires choosing to pay attention.

Reaching Goals

We should always focus on the little steps that are necessary to achieve our goals and struggle to build a successful life like we would a house - one brick at a time.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Using today to create our future

Our life is transitory. Eventually, the day will come when it is no longer full of possibilities and potential, but only memories. Thus, we must learn to view the present, the here and now, as the time to make the most of our opportunities, strive towards our potential, and build a meaningful life. Today is the day that we create our memories and shape the legacy we will eventually leave behind. The legacy which, for good or bad, will be our eternal mark on posterity and will determine how we will be remembered, and how we will spend the rest of eternity.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

True Virtue vs. Transient Sentimentality

Although transient sentimentality and true virtue may have considerable external resemblance, they are easily distinguishable. Transient sentimentality is a selfish hypocrisy and does not endure, except as long as it fulfills its selfish purpose. However, true virtue is a selfless part of who we are. It wants nothing in return and thus it abides firm and constant.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Personal Growth

The best opportunities for emotional growth and development come when we are emotionally charged. Although we can work to prepare ourselves, it is difficult to practice overcoming our anger, boredom or depression until we are confronted with these emotions. Furthermore, I believe that the more intense these emotions are the more we can grow by overcoming them. For example, the best time for us to work on developing self-denial is when we are confronted with doing something we would really like to do, but that isn’t in line with our responsible goals and purpose. And the more we would like to do it (or the harder it is not to do it) the greater our opportunity is for growth. Similarly, the best opportunity to improve our self-discipline comes when we are confronted with obligations that need to be fulfilled, but we really don’t feel like taking the initiative to do them. And again, the more we don’t want to do them, the greater the opportunity we have for personal growth by overcoming our feelings and taking the initiative required to fulfill the obligations.  This principle is the same for any type of personal growth.

Responsible Relationships - Being Assertive

Being assertive in a relationship doesn’t mean being pushy, it means living with honesty and an open integrity in order to be fair to ourselves and others. It means actively seeking to understand things from another’s perspective, and then to communicate in ways in which we are fully understood. It means openly exchanging ideas, feelings, and concepts with others and then struggling to take their thoughts and perspectives into consideration. It means saying “yes” when it is in the responsible best interest of the relationship and not being afraid to say “no” when we are asked to do things against our better judgment. It means learning to form a balance between ourselves and others – one that is founded on empathy and understanding, and directed by our purpose and responsible objectives.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Responsible Relationships

As with all aspects of our lives, the only way we can improve our relationships is by working on ourselves. No matter how hard we try, we simply cannot change others directly. But I have discovered that much of the time we can change the way other people relate to us by changing the way we relate to them.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Responsible Relationships

In order to be handled responsibly, every relationship, no matter how intimate or casual it may be, requires the ability to see things from another’s point of view.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

The mode of communications for our emotions is non-verbal

When learning to have empathy for others, it is important to realize that while the mode of communications for the rational mind is verbal, the mode of communications for our emotions is non-verbal.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

The key to making good decisions

When we judge others, we should pretend that we are the ones who are being judged. Only then will we be able to judge fairly. When we buy we should imagine that we are the seller, and when we sell we should perceive ourselves as the buyer. Then we can buy and sell with integrity. When we are offended, we should imagine that we are the offender and when we hurt someone, we should envision ourselves as the ones being hurt. Only then can we show true mercy and sincere sorrow.


http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Empathy

Empathy for others builds off of self-awareness. We must first be attuned to our own feelings before we can become skilled at reading feelings in others.


http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Personal Success

We simply cannot say YES to happiness and success unless we first say NO to all the things which could cause us to be unhappy and unsuccessful.


http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Delaying Gratification

In order to be successful you must learn to delay gratification, control your impulses, and deny yourself things for your own benefit or for the common good. It is important to remember that no matter what we choose, we are always saying “no” to something. If we don’t say “no” to drugs, then we say “no” to the higher level of consciousness that is required to be successful in a responsible way of life. If we don’t say “no” to irresponsible behavior, then not only do we say “no” to the inner sense of integrity, peace, goodness, self-worth and self-esteem that is the consequence of living righteously, we also say “no” to reaching our full potential. 

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Emotional Self Direction

An important aspect of learning to manage and control our emotions is developing the ability to direct our emotions in the service of some goal or objective. Self-motivation, self-discipline, self-denial, delaying gratification, and stifling impulsiveness are all emotional related qualities that we must actively seek to develop in order to live responsibly. As with all other types of emotional self-control, we can develop these abilities through practice.


 http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Boredom

Because of our makeup, we will also have to struggle to overcome feelings of boredom and apathy.  These emotions can be very dangerous, because they can cause us to seek the high octane excitement which in the past we derived from irresponsible and criminal behavior.  Boredom can also lead to drugs and alcohol, and their disastrous consequences.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Discouragement, Depression, and Despair

During the change process we are bound to experience discouragement, depression and despair, especially if we let ourselves become overwhelmed with the strict requirements of change and living responsibly.  However, we must understand that these emotions can be very dangerous.

If we learn to view these moments of depression and despair simply as obstacles to overcome, instead of a never-ending gloom, then we will be better equipped to overcome them.  These feelings, like all emotions, stem from our thinking and perceptions.  So, in order to overcome them, we must struggle to identify, dissect and correct their thought components.  We can’t allow ourselves to simply focus on the feelings themselves, because this can serve to exacerbate them by causing us to get even more depressed about being depressed.  Instead, once we have properly identified our feelings and accepted them as a part of us, we should focus on understanding what is causing these emotions and then try to identify any errors in thinking or perception that could be contributing to our feelings of depression.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Avoiding Anger

Each time we allow ourselves to become angry, we produce a mental state in which we are vulnerable to unrealistic thoughts and perceptions, and more likely to behave irresponsibly and return to a criminal way of life.  Contrary to popular belief, anger is not a naturally inherent part of life.  Anger as an emotion is actually unnecessary and can only impede performance.  Nothing positive comes from being angry.  And any objective that can be accomplished through anger can be accomplished much easier, and better, through other means.


http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Anger

Anger and its core emotions (such as hate, resentment, frustration, irritability, annoyance, etc.) are dangerous because they are powerful enough to momentarily override rational thought and eliminate the deterrents to behaving irresponsibly.  

Gain Control Over Emotions

In order for us to gain control over our emotions, we must develop the proper balance between our emotions and our intellect. We must learn to subordinate our impulses, feelings, and desires to higher principles and values. It is important to understand that because the way we feel is not always based on reality, feelings do not necessitate action or mandate certain choices or behaviors. In fact, responsible living often requires us to do things, or not do them, regardless of how we feel.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Emotions

Circumstances don’t sustain our emotions. Our interpretation or perception of these circumstances is what sustains our emotions. When we get angry at someone, it isn’t because they are forcing us to become angry, it is because we are consciously focusing on all the things that make us angry. And when we feel depressed or put–down, it isn’t the situation itself which makes us feel that way. Instead, it is the things we say to ourselves and the way we choose to focus our perceptions which makes us feel depressed and put-down. Most of the time, our feelings and emotions are the direct result of our thoughts and perceptions.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Emotional Intelligence

The practice of keeping a detailed journal can help us to gain the habitual self-awareness and emotional insight which is necessary to develop emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence

The awareness of our own emotions is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. Before we can ever learn to control our emotions, use them to morally guide our lives, or properly recognize these emotions in others (develop empathy), we must first learn to consistently pay attention to the realities of our inner self and accept our emotions as being a part of who we are.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Emotions

Feelings and emotions are an important part of being human. Not only can they morally guide us through our lives, but they can also provide meaningful insight and direction.  Our emotions can reflect perceptual nuances taking place outside of our conscious awareness which can manifest themselves in the form of human intuition and hunches.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

A Strong Conscience

A strong conscience rallies our emotions in an attempt to morally direct our lives.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Integrity

When the violation of integrity damages and weakens our conscience, only the consistent practice of integrity can repair it.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Live with integrity

Improving our ability to morally judge between wrong and right can only serve to strengthen our conscience as an inner guide to living responsibly when this knowledge is actively used to guide our lives. Again, once we know the truth, we must struggle to live in line with this knowledge or else it becomes worthless. In order to enable ourselves to grow, we must live with integrity.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Integrity

To be successful we must develop a consistent personal integrity which is based on our responsible purpose and guided by an uncompromising morality. We must start making the right choices in all situations, not simply to avoid punishment, but because we recognize that this type of behavior is the most beneficial for ourselves and those around us. And, because we truly believe that it is the right thing to do. In the end, if we can get to the point where our moral abilities have become habitual, then we will become more productive and successful in life. Instead of continuously struggling to simply deter irresponsible and criminal thoughts and behavior, we will be able to concentrate more on our spiritual, physical and mental growth.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Our Conscience

Our conscience is like a mirror in which our soul reflects upon itself and weighs what it sees against the highest standard of reality we perceive. And, much like any mirror, this reflection will become more realistic and clearer when we clean it. When we eliminate the blemishes caused by our past atrocities (along with their excuses and justifications) we enable ourselves to recognize reality and see ourselves more clearly. Not only do we increase our ability to realistically judge between wrong and right, but we also augment our human capacity to be emotionally guided by this judgment.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Right and Wrong

I believe that as human beings we are innately moral creatures. Most of us have the internal ability to judge between right and wrong, good and bad. And, we have the capacity to be emotionally guided by this judgment. We have a conscience. However, listening to our conscience requires effort and sacrifice. It requires choosing to pay attention.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Potential and Possibilities

Our life is transitory. Eventually, the day will come when it is no longer full of possibilities and potential, but only memories. Thus, we must learn to view the present, the here and now, as the time to make the most of our opportunities, strive towards our potential, and build a meaningful life. Today is the day that we create our memories and shape the legacy we will eventually leave behind. The legacy which, for good or bad, will be our eternal mark on posterity and will determine how we will be remembered, and how we will spend the rest of eternity.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Eliminating Regret and Sorrow

If we can learn to realistically anticipate the consequences of our behavior and imagine our future, then we will gain a much better perspective on life. We can enable ourselves to use a sort of 20/20 hindsight (through our imagination) and “Live as if we were living already for the second time and as if we had acted the first time as wrongly as we are about to act now.” We can make our choices as if we were getting a second chance to make them right!! With this powerful perspective, we can actually eliminate regret and sorrow from our lives.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Cause and Effect

While working towards our responsible goals and objectives, we should practice anticipating the consequences of our choices and behavior. Then, once our choice has been made, we should evaluate whether it led us in the right direction. By becoming more aware of these consequences and assessing their impact on our lives, we can develop a more realistic understanding of the cause and effect relationships that serve to create our circumstances.

Goals

In order for us to truly be successful in life, we must take responsibility for our future, consistently set realistic and responsible goals, and then actively work to achieve them. Developing and working towards responsible goals can help us develop self-discipline and enhance our self-esteem. It can also give us something concrete by which we can gauge our progress in life. Our achievements will then be like milestones on the road to creating a meaningful life.

However, we must not get so blinded by our goals that we fail to pay attention to the process by which we achieve them. As far as responsible living is concerned, it is this process which is of utmost importance. We should always focus on the little steps that are necessary to achieve our goals and struggle to build a successful life like we would a house - one brick at a time. I have found that the process by which we succeed often provides even more satisfaction than the success itself. And, responsible goals are much easier to meet when they are broken into smaller, more easily-handled pieces.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

True Success

It is important to understand that success is not an achievement, but a way of life. True success comes from within. It is the result of who we are, not what we do.  Success is actually the fruit of our abilities to imagine what we want in life, properly direct our efforts in a purposeful way towards what we want, and then sacrifice what we want now for what we want in the future.

Our own success must be measured by effort. If we hit the jackpot in the lottery, marry a rich person, or make that one big score in crime, we are not successful - we are lucky! That is why these things don’t provide the inner sense of satisfaction, self-worth, happiness and accomplishment that true success does. If we achieve or accomplish things through underhanded or deceitful means, then our success cannot be called true success, because our achievements are based on lies.

Even if we graduate from high school, earn a promotion at work, or accomplish something spectacular and then allow ourselves to become complacent or regress in our lives, I don’t believe that we can truly be called successful. It is not the individual achievements that lead to true success, happiness and satisfaction in this life, instead it is the process by which we continually achieve.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

The momentum of our choices

It is important to recognize how our thoughts, choices, and actions flow over time to create the circumstances and momentum of our lives. Step by step as we proceed through life, our choices actually compound themselves by bringing about the situations and circumstances which require the next choice. Then, with each successive choice, we create the conditions surrounding further choices. So with each choice, we initiate or sustain a momentum in our lives, a momentum going forward or in reverse. And once we get the momentum going in either direction, it becomes more and more difficult to stop. Thus, one irresponsible choice can cause us to be faced with another, even more difficult choice that we may not have confronted had we simply made the proper choice in the first place.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Following the Rules

In order to live harmoniously and be productive in a free society, we must learn to abide by the rules. Contrary to the opinion of many people, rules are not made to be broken. Although we may not personally agree with, or even understand all the rules which are set forth by representatives of society, the majority of them have a good reason and purpose behind them. While most rules are intended to inhibit individuals from infringing on the rights of others and to prevent them from hurting themselves, the rest are usually a consequence of someone else’s actions - one person messes it up for everyone else.

If we don’t like a rule, then we have the option to go through the necessary steps to responsibly get it changed. We can circulate petitions, plan lawful protests, and argue our case in front of those who are responsible for making and imposing the rules and laws. However, we must never allow ourselves to view rules as optional or intended for other people. We must follow all the rules no matter how petty, meaningless, "stupid", or obscure they may be. If we choose to follow our past patterns of complaining about, arguing about, bending, and just plain disregarding the rules we don’t like or understand, we will assuredly fail in our attempt to change - and we’ll suffer the consequences. And realistically, if we can’t follow the rules set forth by a free society, if we can’t accept the responsibilities which are our intrinsic part of freedom, then we don’t deserve to be free.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Perseverance

The key to success is not perfection, but perseverance.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Excuses and Justifications

Quite simply, excuses and justifications can be found for almost any irresponsible or criminal act if we look hard enough. Even good intentions can become excuses if we allow them to. In fact, to modify an old adage, for us “the road to prison is paved with good intentions.” Even those dubious excuses “I didn’t know” and “I wasn’t sure” cannot justify or condone irresponsible or criminal behavior. As responsible individuals it is our duty to find out. Again, it is up to each one of us to personally seek to discover and understand exactly what we must do in order to live a purposeful, productive, and responsible life. No one is going to lead us through life like a child. As adults, we must ask questions, seek the proper answers, and make sure that we are doing the right things. And although those foolish excuses “but other people do it” and “I wasn’t the only one” can make us feel better by diluting our sense of responsibility, they do not negate the fact that we are personally responsible for all of our own choices, and that they will have consequences which we will have to suffer by ourselves. As my parents used to say, we must ask ourselves the question, “If everyone was jumping off of a bridge would we jump off of the bridge, too?” Just because everyone else did it wouldn’t make us any less dead!

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Lame Excuses

At some point in all our lives, this victim perspective has surfaced in order to excuse and justify our irresponsible and criminal behavior - especially after we have been caught. Many of us contend that we committed our crimes because of:


• drugs

• a drug addiction

• the people we hung around with

• our race

• our socioeconomic standing

• a lack of education

• our family life

• society in general

• and even the victim


And most of us have complained at some point that we are in prison because someone snitched on us, we were set up, or the system screwed us. Indeed, we have used almost every form of self-deceit and deception to maintain our unrealistic self-image and hide from the reality of the fact that we are who we are, and where we are, because of choices we have made.

In essence, what we are telling ourselves when we maintain a victim perspective is that we don’t have total control over our own lives. Therefore, when we fail or get caught, we don’t have to personally accept the full responsibility for our own choices or the consequences which are simply the result of these choices. With a victim perspective, our self-image doesn’t suffer when we fail or are not perfect. In reality, however, this unrealistic perspective and the excuses it provokes are simply cop-outs that we use to justify a lack of effort and an unwillingness to follow the rules or take responsibility for our own lives.

Yet, even though these excuses and the victim perspective serve to diminish the control we have over our own lives, they in no way absolve us of responsibility for the consequences of our choices and behavior. Sadly, by convincing ourselves that we are the victims, we actually perpetuate our criminality, because we excuse and justify our criminal behavior. We erroneously convince ourselves that we are exonerated of responsibility for our behavior. So, we are able to forego the feelings of guilt, remorse, and sorrow that would force us to recognize and confront our criminal behavior and compel us to change.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Personal Responsibility

It is impossible to change and turn our lives around unless we first accept the fact that for the most part it was our choices in the past that led us to where we are now. We simply cannot take responsibility for our future until we hold ourselves responsible for our past. It is impossible to simultaneously view ourselves as the victim of life’s circumstance, and still responsibly take control over our lives.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Self Criticism

Some of the time, hearing the truth about ourselves isn’t easy. Like any medicine intended to cure, criticism can be hard to swallow. But despite its undesirable taste, criticism can help set us straight. However, in order to be of any use to us, criticism from others must first be transformed into self-criticism and then followed by an active effort to correct whatever was criticized. Realistically, self-criticism is required to generate the inner drive and desire necessary to initiate and sustain the effort and sacrifice required to change and grow.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Our Self-Esteem

We must learn to transfer our source of approval and criticism from others to ourselves. If we continue to allow others to influence our perception of ourselves and dictate how we are going to respond, then it is our own fault, not theirs. Realistically, we can never become what other people think of us unless we allow them to dictate what we think of ourselves. The only way that the thoughtless and immature words and behaviors of others can hurt us is if, through our response to these words and behaviors, we empower them to.


When we value belonging, being accepted, and being perceived as special above our own integrity and self-esteem, then we lose control, and we diminish our ability to grow and change. We also tend to distort reality. However, if we simply refuse to allow others to unrealistically influence how we perceive ourselves, regardless of what they do or say, then we give ourselves the freedom to dictate our own responses and control our own lives. We empower ourselves to grow and change.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Living Consciously

In order to move forward in our lives we must learn to live consciously. “Living consciously implies respect for the facts of reality. This means the facts of our inner world as well as of the outer world.” When we live consciously, we do not always have to like what we see in ourselves. In fact, not liking what we see can give us the primary motivation necessary to change. To live consciously we must only recognize that what is, is, and what is not, is not. Our first loyalty must be to the truth and reality, not simply making ourselves right through the self-deception of justifications and excuses.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Learning from our Mistakes

Once we recognize our mistakes, we must struggle to never again allow ourselves to do the same thing, or anything like it, again. Learning from our experiences is an essential part of the growth process. We are all going to make mistakes as we struggle to responsibly move forward in life. However, if used properly, our mistakes can actually become an opportunity for growth. In fact, we can often learn more from our mistakes and failures than we can from our successes. It is only when these mistakes and failures are excused or shut off, and not used as a guide for future choices, that they become useless, and even detrimental.


When we choose not to correct and learn from our mistakes, they gain power over us. They serve to perpetuate self-deception, and damage any trust or confidence we may have in ourselves. Thus, we compound our mistake with another even more damaging mistake and cause even deeper injury to ourselves. So, we must struggle to make sure that all the lessons we learn become operational in our decision-making process. If we don’t, then we risk the chance of forgetting about them and making the same mistake again. Even little slip-ups or misunderstandings cannot be overlooked, excused or tolerated. Making a little mistake isn’t so much the issue. Instead, it is our past pattern of making exceptions and excuses for our mistakes, failing to learn from them, and continually allowing one mistake or slip-up to lead to another, and another, and another.

In the end, the only way we can truly overcome our mistakes, correct our errors in thinking, reprogram our mind, and develop responsible patterns of thinking and decision-making is by actually doing these things. It is in the conscious struggle to learn from our experiences and make the correct choices, and through the effort and sacrifice necessary to implement these choices, that we are given the opportunity to grow and develop. Good thoughts, choices, and habits can only be developed and fortified in the same way that we developed and fortified our irresponsible thoughts and habits - through repetition. Thus, in order to grow, we must take action. We must implement all the lessons we learn and struggle to overcome all the habitual remnants of our past way of life. Our opportunities lie in the way we confront our difficult choices, bear our burdens, and struggle to transcend the habitual responses of our defective subconscious programming. Ultimately, it is this joyous challenge - the struggle to responsibly think, make decisions, achieve, and move forward in our lives - that will become the essence and reward of a responsible way of life.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Responsible Decisions

Responsible decision-making is a process based on responsible thinking.

Justifying Our Behavior

When analyzing our thinking and behavior, it is very important to pay attention to our intentions and motives. The reasons for our thoughts and behavior can be more important than the consequences of the behavior. We shouldn’t ever allow ourselves to judge our thinking based on the outcome of our behavior. By doing this, we may simply be concealing latent errors in our thinking and perception through justifications.


For example, if we decide to lie and call in sick to work because we would rather do something else more exciting, and then during our day off we discover that we have many productive things to do, we cannot excuse or justify our decision to call in sick to work simply because the day ended up being productive. In order to truly recognize and overcome our errors in thinking, we must analyze, question, and correct the thoughts that gave rise to our decision to call in sick. In this case, the decision was full of errors in thinking and perception, such as:



• failure to fulfill obligations to our employer

• failure to exert effort in responsible initiatives

• unwillingness to overcome boredom and routine

• seeking excitement

• inability to delay gratification until the weekend



Additionally, the decision was dangerous because it could have led to idle time and complacency, two things that have the potential to result in irresponsible behavior and crime.

Irresponsible thoughts and behaviors can often result in desirable consequences and, if we are lucky, few negative consequences. However, this doesn’t mean that these thoughts and behaviors are proper, realistic or responsible. When we think and behave irresponsibly, we are not consciously causing the consequences we want in life. We are shooting blindly and hoping we hit the target, and eventually we are going to miss - big time.

On the other hand, responsible thoughts and their resultant behaviors can easily bring unintended or unforeseen consequences. But this, too, doesn’t change the fact that the thought itself was responsibly directed towards our purpose. And even though we may miss our target from time to time, when our thoughts are properly focused, we are more likely to cause the consequences we want in our life.

 
http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Questioning Our Thoughts

Another important step in learning to think more responsibly is to develop our ability to ask questions about our own thinking and the thinking of others. "The ability to ask appropriate and penetrating questions is one of the most powerful thinking tools we possess, although many of us do not make full use of it." (Covey, Stephen R., “THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE - POWERFUL LESSONS IN PERSONAL CHANGE” (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1989))

Through consistent practice and mental exercise, we should learn to habitually ask ourselves questions, such as:


• Are my thoughts consistent with my purpose?


• Are they realistic?


• Are they productive?


• What are the possible consequences of this type of thinking?


• What is the basis for my thoughts - what provoked my current thinking?


• Am I actively controlling my own thoughts? Or, am I still allowing other variables, such as my feelings, my subconscious programming, the circumstances, or other people’s words and behavior, to control them?


• Are there any similarities or relationships between my current thinking and my thought patterns in the past?


• Can I speculate on the possible consequences of this type of thinking?


• How should I be directing my thinking - what should I be thinking about or focusing on right now in order to be successful?

In order to become effective in improving our thought processes, this type of mental questioning should be consistently exercised and valued as a discipline. It should be used repeatedly so that it becomes a habitual part of our thought patterns. At every opportunity we should question ourselves about our thinking with an open mind and an honest heart, so that we can make sure that our thoughts are always focused in the right direction.


 
http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Believe in yourself

To be successful, I feel that it is important to maintain the mindset that success is possible. We must believe in ourselves. Despair and doubt are the enemies of change. Although we should always remember the shame and suffering which our irresponsible behavior has caused, we must learn to visualize ourselves as being truly honest and responsible people. We should imagine ourselves changing and maintaining a totally responsible and purposeful way of life each and every day - and then we should persistently struggle towards this goal one step at a time.


Realistically, living a responsible and productive life is a very achievable goal. However, it will require time, effort, and determination to achieve - and then to maintain. We can change our patterns of thinking and reprogram our subconscious mind if we make the conscious effort to do so, but we must also be aware that this won’t happen overnight.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Overcoming Addiction

Overcoming my drug addiction was very difficult. In fact I relapsed several times before I figured out what I was doing wrong. But, once I discovered the right tools I was able to break free of my addictions. As I point out in my book, it is impossible to overcome a drug addiction through sheer willpower.


"Trying to overcome an urge to use drugs through willpower alone is not enough. Instead of continuing to think of drugs as enjoyable, exciting, and “not that big of a deal”, we should actually seek out and consciously stay aware of all the realities which contradict these errors in thinking. We may begin with the fact that drugs are illegal and thus can cause further legal problems, and the pain and sorrow associated with losing our freedom and being separated from the ones we love. Next, we could acknowledge the fact that drugs are harmful to the body and the mind, and curse everyone who touches them. They:

• diminish our ability to properly focus our conscious awareness

• distort reality

• decrease our productivity

• reduce our coordination

• lead to health problems

• waste money, time and potential

• reduce the amount of control we have over ourselves and our lives

• lower our inhibitions - leading to immorality, irresponsibility, and crime
Finally, as we continue to search reality, we will inevitably realize that not only do we hurt ourselves with drugs, but we also hurt all of those around us, especially the ones we profess to love.

Armed with these newfound realities to consistently correct our thinking, our point of view and attitude towards drugs will soon change. Instead of secretly desiring to use drugs and then, when the thoughts arise, simply trying to fight them through willpower alone, we will begin to abhor drugs and despise even the thought of them. Instead of envying the drug user who isn’t being deterred from using drugs, we will pity them. We will begin to think of, and perceive, drugs realistically as the evil they are instead of continuing to be fooled by their charm."

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Preparation

The next step, as we grow and develop in a responsible way of life, is to learn to be proactive and preempt irresponsible thinking before it ever happens. To do this we must learn to recognize all the situations and environments which may lead to irresponsible thoughts, and then avoid them. We can also prepare ourselves by thinking through difficult situations and deciding beforehand how we plan to think and act if, and when, any of these situations come up.

Through preparation, we gain more control over our thinking. And when a difficult situation does arise, we will be ready to make the right choice instead of simply allowing our old, ineffective subconscious programming to shape and guide our lives.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Controlling our thinking

It can be extremely helpful to develop and continually use specific visualizations, ideas, thoughts, affirmations, or even childhood songs in order to help us redirect our thinking and replace irresponsible or criminal thoughts. When confronted with inappropriate thoughts, we can then use these replacements to automatically refocus our conscious thinking. We may choose to visualize ourselves responsibly achieving some long term goal, or to automatically think about our mother, our family, or God. We may even choose to personally create some positive affirmation - a statement such as, “I am a responsible individual and when I control my thinking, I control my life” - which is in line with reality, the principles of change, and our purpose in life. However, in order for these things to become fully effective in redirecting our thinking and reprogramming our subconscious mind, they must become automatic deterrents to irresponsible thinking - they must be programmed into our subconscious mind through repetition and become habits themselves.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Our Rose Garden

Reprogramming our subconscious mind through positive thinking is much like growing a prized rose garden. Not only must we continually care for and nurture our roses, or responsible thoughts, but we must also ceaselessly struggle to remove all of the weeds, or irresponsible thoughts and errors in thinking. If we don’t, then they have the inherent potential to rapidly grow, choke out our roses, and infest the whole garden. Soon, what may have simply begun as one or two small weeds can, if neglected, grow and multiply. If we are not careful, this can undermine all of our efforts at reprogramming our mind and developing a new perspective on life. When our garden is infested with weeds, it tends to distort our whole perspective on life. It is only when our rose garden is flourishing and consciously being cared for that we can maintain a responsible and realistic perspective.

http://choosetodoright.com/

Re-programming our Subconscious Mind

Because of our human abilities of self-awareness and self-examination, we are not simply the sum of our past thoughts, feelings and perceptions. We are not limited to, or bound by, our subconscious programming. We have the ability to stand apart from ourselves, examine our programming, and use our conscious awareness, imagination, and limitless potential in order to develop a new perspective on life. We can form new attitudes, beliefs and values. We can create new habits that are more positive and productive. We can think about our thinking, have feelings about our feelings, and even develop a perception of our own perceptions, but only if that is what we consciously want to do. We can only override all of the negative things stored in our subconscious mind, and rewrite our programming, if we make the consistent effort necessary in order to responsibly control our thinking.


As with any computer, the output of our subconscious mind will always equal its input. Thus, it is critical that we become extremely careful of what we allow ourselves to consciously think or fantasize about. Because it is our conscious input that will actually write or program the influential output of our subconscious mind. Personally, I have even gone as far as to quit listening to any music which may have any irresponsible, immoral, or criminal lyrics - or which causes me to think or feel this way. And I have begun listening to more uplifting music. I don’t watch any television shows or movies that may promote irresponsible or criminal thinking. I also refuse to talk or listen to anyone whose vocabulary consists mainly of four-letter words. And I don’t hang around anyone who suggests irresponsible or criminal behavior. I simply do not want to think about these things. I have a tough enough time without someone planting these thoughts in my head.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Our Subconscious Mind

Within each of us there is an infinite and powerful subconscious mind that quietly guides our thinking and perceptions. Our attitude, character, beliefs, values, habits, perceptions and many other personal traits are influenced by the lifelong programming of our subconscious mind. Like the operating system on a computer, it defines who we are and how we deal with the outside world.


It is also the gatekeeper of our conscious awareness. Through the reticular activating system, it filters through all of our incoming sensory information and determines what, from the vast amount of possible information, will be permitted into the light of our conscious awareness. It is simply impossible for us to focus on everything that we see and hear in a given moment. It is our subconscious mind that helps us decide what is important for us to perceive and what is not. Thus, it quietly guides our thoughts, perceptions and behaviors.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Controling our Thinking

We must learn to control our thinking if we are ever going to learn to control our lives.  In order to do this we must first accept that we are not victims of the kind of thoughts which pass through our heads. We can, and do, have control over our own thinking. Our thoughts are not intruders in our mind over which we have no control, but instead a result of our own conscious focus and programming. Even though we may sometimes give up control over our thinking, we are always capable of focusing our mind on certain objectives and seeking reality if we so desire. If we want to study for a math exam, then we can focus our thinking on our notes and textbooks. And, if we want to do well at work, then we can focus our thinking on the task at hand. In the past, we have often controlled our thinking when it came to irresponsible and criminal objectives. So there is no reason why now we can’t learn to responsibly focus and control our thoughts in order to change our point of view.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

The Dynamics of Change

The best place for us to overcome irresponsible choices and behavior is in our thinking. If we can destroy the seeds of irresponsible behavior and crime, then the plant will never grow. If instead of thinking about stealing we think about how we can responsibly earn the things we need, then we are less likely to steal – and more likely to be creative, productive and happy. If we learn to humble ourselves instead of thinking that we are special and superior to everyone else, then we will be less likely to behave selfishly and hurt others - and more likely to be successful. If we don’t allow ourselves to think that “others” are to blame for our problems and instead take responsibility for ourselves, then we will be more likely to learn from our mistakes and empower ourselves to grow.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

The Consequences of Lying

Regardless of the reason, every time we lie it has a tremendous impact on our self-esteem. Lies serve to undermine our confidence and tarnish the relationship we have with ourselves. As much as we may try, we simply cannot exempt ourselves from the knowledge of right and wrong, or from the moral consequences of our actions. Although we may try to conceal our dishonesty, at some level it inevitably influences us. Our thoughts, choices, and actions always leave either positive or negative feelings about ourselves. Even though we may try to conceal our lies from others and downplay their effect on our self-esteem, we can never really hide them from ourselves.

As Nathanial Branden explains in his book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem:
"One of the great self deceptions is to tell oneself, “Only I will know.” The implication is that my judgment is unimportant and that only the judgment of others counts. But when it comes to matters of self-esteem, I have more to fear from my own judgment than from anyone else’s. In the inner courtroom of my mind, mine is the only judgment that counts. My ego, the “I” at the center of my consciousness, is the judge from whom there is no escape. I can avoid people who have learned the humiliating truth about me. I cannot avoid myself."

When we lie, cheat or steal, we create a reputation with ourselves as a liar, cheater or thief. And no matter what others may think about us, we can’t hide the truth from ourselves. With each lie, we solidify the reputation with ourselves as liars. So, even if we forget the content of our lies, we remain a liar as far as our inner-self is concerned. And because deep down we already see ourselves as liars, we are more likely to lie in the future.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Criminal equivalents

As criminals, even when we are behaving responsibly, our thinking often minimizes the good in our actions. Due to the selfish motives behind our actions, responsible behavior can become an equivalent to crime in building up our self-image. When we are kind and helpful, it is often selfish - in that we expect something in return. We don’t just help to be helpful; we expect praise, recognition and indebtedness. Criminal equivalent behavior, although not criminal in nature, provides the same sense of power and excitement - the same boost to our self image – that we get from criminal behavior.


Due to our distorted point of view and the ulterior motives behind most of our behaviors, many of our thoughts and actions play the role of criminal equivalents. Basically, whether or not a thought or behavior is a criminal equivalent depends on its motive. If it is self-promoting or self-serving, then it is a criminal equivalent in that it is solely intended to boost an unrealistic self-image or quench a thirst for power and excitement.

Criminal equivalent behaviors can be seen in all aspects of our lives. When we are not involved in crime, they become the only way we can maintain our self-image and quench our thirst for power and excitement. They are demonstrated in our pretentiousness, our perfectionism, and in our desire to always be in charge. They can be seen in the way we give up when things don’t go our way. They are illustrated in our humor, which is often at the expense of others.
 
The problem with criminal equivalent behavior is that it is that we don't experience the same sense of joy and satisfaction that people often get from serving others.  Because we seek only the material and physical rewards of our actions we don't experience any of the spiritual or emotional rewards.  And, our reputation with ourselves suffers.
 
http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Capriciousness can be seen in many people

To a certain degree, capriciousness can be seen in many people. It is characterized by impulsive and erratic behavior. And it can be seen in the competing thoughts and desires that sabotage any type of goal or resolution. For example, it is demonstrated when a person resolves to go on a diet one day only to go on an eating binge the next. A capricious person may even go on a diet and exercise program which lasts for days or weeks. But eventually, their thinking and desires will change (usually with the help of excuses and justifications) and they’ll revert back to their old unhealthy ways of life. This can happen even when they have been told by their doctor that this could kill them. Some people may call this a lack of will power, but I will call it what it really is - a lack of conviction; a conviction for a healthy way of life. Similarly, we as criminals have a lack of conviction for a responsible way of life. And, just like some people spend their lives on and off of diets, many criminals spend their lives in and out of prison.

Capriciousness

Another characteristic that I have found to be common among criminals is our capriciousness. Capriciousness is the term I have found that best describes the “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” personality that we all display to some degree. It is characterized by inconsistencies in thought, attitude and behavior.


Due to our shifting states of mind, and our ability to shut-off and erode deterrents, we can switch from “loving and kind” to “mean and selfish” in almost an instant. We may go to church at 9:00 and then be involved in a crime at 10:00. Or, we may talk about getting our life together one minute only to do something extremely irresponsible or criminal the next.

We all go through phases where we are good and make responsible decisions. At times, we can be the most obedient child, honest employee, or giving person. However, these temporary phases inevitably give way to irresponsible thoughts, behaviors and crime as we search to build up our self-image. Thus, we become an enigma to all who know us, often showing a kindness and helpfulness that are as genuine as our selfishness and destructiveness.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Avoiding consciousness

We all have the ability to choose to focus our conscious awareness in order to search for truth and reality. On the other hand, we also have the free-will to drop to a lower level of consciousness to avoid and shut off the truth. “In a situation in which our emotional feelings are overwhelmingly painful or unpleasant, we have the capacity to anesthetize ourselves.”[1] And even though most people would find it almost impossible to shut off their conscious awareness of the deterrents to criminal behavior, the avoidance of consciousness can be seen in many irresponsible behaviors.

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[1] Peck, M. Scott M.D., “PEOPLE OF THE LIE: THE HOPE FOR HEALING HUMAN EVIL” (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1983) pp.227

The "Shut off" Mechanism

Another characteristic that all criminals share is the ability to anesthetize ourselves and become numb to our emotions and the potential consequences of our behavior. This "shut off" mechanism enables us to eliminate internal deterrents to irresponsible behavior, such as fear and guilt, and to disregard any lessons learned from experience. This defensive mechanism is the cornerstone of our lifestyle. Without this ability to avoid conscious awareness, we couldn’t continue to choose to commit crime.

Internal and external deterrents usually keep most people from committing crimes. Internal deterrents include a person’s morals, values, belief in God, fear, guilt, empathy for a victim, and pangs of conscience. External deterrents are the ones outside the individual that are usually reinforced by society. These include any legal consequences, including fines and prison, as well as potential ostracism from our social circle, and the loss of trust and respect from those around us.

As criminals, we are not devoid of emotion or incapable of learning from experience. We feel fear, guilt and shame. It’s just that we have enhanced our ability to avoid the awareness of these things when they interfere with what we want to do. However, even though this shut-off mechanism can become habitual and automatic, it is still a mental process that is totally under our control. We can always choose whether to avoid awareness or not.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Responsible choices

It is important to understand that our past choices and experiences have a tendency to influence our present thoughts and behavior. And, the more we become automatic or habitual in our decision-making, the greater this tendency becomes. However, past choices and actions do not have to dictate future ones. With each and every choice, we have the ability to reverse our present direction and choose to start anew. As human beings, we all have the capacity to focus our conscious awareness on what is right and on the consequences of our actions, or we can choose to endlessly justify and debate our choices within our minds. We can choose to overcome our past and do what is right. We can make the choices that lead to personal happiness and freedom. And if this is too difficult for us to do on our own, we can choose to seek help.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Personal Responsibility

Crime is not caused by the environment, external circumstances, genetics, or drug addiction. Crime is a choice. A responsible person won’t commit a crime because of what he watches or reads, or because of the people he associates with. Crime will only happen if the criminal thoughts and perceptions are already in place. And, even though criminal thoughts and actions may become habitual, our crimes are not impulsive or compulsive. Sure, at times we may not be realistic in our thinking, but we are solidly in touch with reality. Most of us are not mentally insane or psychopathic with no ability to control our own actions. Even though we may act impulsively in other areas of our life, we know that certain impulses lead to arrest, so we are constantly scanning our environment in order to get away with our crimes.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

The path to crime

As I talked with other criminals, I noticed that many of us followed the same path in life. We weren’t born criminals. We developed the errors in thinking and perception that ultimately lead to irresponsible and criminal behavior. A criminal mind doesn’t just happen - it is planted, cared for, fostered, and grown to full bloom.


Early in life we developed erroneous thoughts and perceptions that led us to make a series of choices to live a life that we soon found exciting; a life in which we were determined to do whatever we wanted; a life where we ignored the restraints and morals taught to us by our family and society. As children, many of us were extremely energetic and adventurous. We had an iron-will and often insisted on taking charge. We would become angry or upset when others didn’t do as we expected. We took risks. We became entangled in lies and difficulties, and then demanded to be bailed out and forgiven when we were caught.

As teenagers, our image was everything. Many of us were involved in gangs. Our friends were much more important than our self, so we often did stupid things in an attempt to be liked and accepted. As a teenager, I can recall many times when I did things that I knew I shouldn’t do in an effort to be liked. I shoplifted a dozen cigarette lighters so that my friends and I could each have two. I started smoking so that everyone would think that I was cool. I stole an expensive bracelet and gave it to a girl I was trying to impress. And each time that I did one of these things to boost my self-image, it was at the expense of my self-esteem.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

The consequences of an unhealthy self-esteem

The feelings of incompetence and worthlessness that are at the root of an unhealthy self-esteem are similar in every person. However, every individual learns and develops different methods to deal, or not deal, with these feelings during their developmental years. Fortunately, many children who choose to behave in irresponsible ways in their attempt to deal with an unhealthy self-esteem, later also choose to change their perspective of life. They mature and finally develop the healthy self-esteem they deserve. Others simply learn to deal with an unhealthy self-esteem through behaviors, such as being a workaholic, a sex-aholic, a spend-aholic, or an overeater.

However, my book isn’t about these people. It’s about the minority of us who choose to behave extremely irresponsibly - those who choose to commit crimes. While not everybody who has an unhealthy self-esteem chooses to commit crimes, all criminals have an unhealthy self-esteem. The reasons an individual develops errors in thought and perception are as numerous as the reasons why a person doesn’t develop these errors in thought and perception. The complexity of the human mind and diversity of variables in human behavior make it impossible to pinpoint one experience or genetic trait that would definitely cause an individual to develop a criminal point-of-view.

The key is, however, that all criminals have common errors in thinking and perception that combine to create a point-of-view that is conducive to criminal thought and behavior. How and why we developed these errors is something which must be dealt with on an individual basis. Although some of these errors in thought and perception can be attributed to an already unhealthy self-esteem, many others are simply erroneous beliefs which have been cultivated and now serve to skew our moral compass.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Choices create a momentum in our lives

The more right choices we make, the more habitual it becomes to make right choices. On the other hand, the more wrong choices we make, the easier it becomes to make the wrong choices.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Self-esteem

Our self-esteem is not constant; it fluctuates on a continuum. Instead of being something we either have or don’t have, self-esteem varies in degrees. The lower our self-esteem, the less confidence we have in ourselves and the less worthy we feel. The higher our self-esteem, the more confident, competent, and worthy we feel. Self-esteem is also not something that we can earn and store away for later - like a retirement account. It is something we must earn daily - like a paycheck. And, although not all primary sources of self-esteem are under our control (such as early childhood experiences and genetic make-up) it is primarily our thoughts, choices and actions which determine our level of self-esteem. Behavior and self-esteem are reciprocal. They are both a cause and consequence of each other.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Build a Good Reputation...With Yourself.

With the right focus and effort, a miraculous thing will begin to happen. You will start to build a reputation with yourself as being an honest and responsible individual. You will trust yourself and believe in yourself. You will develop a true sense of pride and satisfaction in the things that you do. Ultimately, it is changing this inner concept of yourself, your self-esteem - the part of you that no one else can see - which is the most important.

The best of both worlds?

In the past, many of us have sought the “best of both worlds”. We would pretend to be responsible so we could continue to enjoy the comfort and affection of family and friends. At the same time, we would secretly enjoy the excitement and “proof of power” that comes with irresponsible and criminal behavior. Naturally, a responsible way of life cannot work this way.


If your goal is to be responsible, mixing responsibility with irresponsibility is like taking strychnine with your morning vitamins - the goodness of one simply cannot remedy the bad effects of the other. Our good deeds can never make up for our bad ones, and eventually we will suffer the consequences of trying to lead a double life.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

A mans thinking

Our thinking guides our choices and crime is always a choice. We are not forced to commit a crime; we alone have control over our actions. We all have knowledge of right and wrong. Most of us are also capable of feeling the full effects of a guilty conscience and the dissonance associated with irresponsible behavior. We know it is wrong to murder, steal, and hurt others. That’s why we attempt to cover up our crimes. And even when we get caught, most of us try to hide the full knowledge of our crimes from others.

An individual’s actions are simply a reflection of the action in his mind. However, many different things combine to form the action within one’s mind. The way a man thinks is not only influenced by what he knows, but more importantly, by his perceptions of himself, others, and the world around him - his point-of-view. In turn, the way a man perceives reality is influenced by many things, including genetics, assumptions and expectations based on past experiences and his relationship with himself - or his self- esteem.

The Rewards of Responsible Living

It is important to start our responsible journey with a positive perspective and attitude. We’ve all lived responsibly at various times in the past. To succeed now, we must simply put together a series of these responsible choices and begin to stabilize our lives. And we must believe in ourselves.
Responsible living has many rewards. A major one is the peace of mind that comes with a clean conscience. We will no longer need to constantly look over our shoulder, and worry about being caught and punished.

Living responsibly also brings with it true personal freedom.

• Freedom to realize our potential

• Freedom to use our talents

• Freedom from personal jeopardy

• Freedom to grow and develop

• Freedom from the misery of a guilty conscience

• Freedom to openly be ourselves.

The constant worry and anxiety that are part of living a life of lies will disappear. Instead, there will be a sense of pride, self-respect and integrity. Spiritual and intellectual suffocation will be replaced with the sense of accomplishment and self-esteem that comes from an honest day’s work. Gradually, we will begin to trust ourselves and earn the trust and respect of others.

These rewards are non-existent in the criminal way of life. As criminals, we are never satisfied. The more we get, the more we want. The more we succeed, the more we crave success. The more we prove ourselves, the more often we feel the need to prove ourselves again. Nothing is ever good enough for us, not even ourselves.

Sure a criminal life can be exciting, but that’s not to say that a responsible life is devoid of excitement or pleasure. It simply takes a different form. And over time, it becomes even more exciting, pleasurable, and fulfilling as we begin to build a life for ourselves and start earning the trust and respect of others. With this comes an inner peace that money can’t buy.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

The Consequences of Responsible Living

In order to prepare ourselves to live responsibly, it is important to recognize and accept all of the consequences of our decision to change. Not only must we understand the rewarding consequences, but also the difficult ones. If we ever hope to change in a lasting way, we must start by understanding what change really means – and what it entails.

The consequences of our decision to live a responsible life can be as difficult as they are rewarding and enjoyable. Living responsibly requires more effort and sacrifice than simply doing what we want when we want to do it. Taking responsibility entails problem solving, fact finding, sacrifice, and self-motivation. We must learn to deal constructively with disappointment and adversity. And, we need to accept restraints and acknowledge that we cannot control everything.

We will also have to do things that, in the past, were difficult for us. We will need to swallow our pride and resist our desire to get even when we feel disrespected. And, we will be required to put the needs and feelings of others above our own.

To live responsibly, we will have to follow all the rules - even those we don’t understand or agree with. We might not comprehend the necessity of a certain rule, however, that does not give us license to disregard it. Certainly, if we do not understand a rule or think it is unfair, we can attempt to have it changed. But, we cannot ever behave as if it doesn’t exist just because it doesn’t fall in line with our own idea of what is right.

As we begin to struggle with responsibility, it is inevitable that at times we will become bored and even somewhat depressed. We will miss the excitement of our past way of life. However, we can relieve the boredom by continuously focusing on all the little details of changing ourselves and learning to live responsibly.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Consequences

When we act irresponsibly, we may benefit somewhat in the short-term, but in the end, we will suffer a consequence because of the nature of cause and effect. If we call in sick to work because there is something else we want to do, we may benefit for the moment because we get to do what we wanted to do. But, we also risk losing our job and the things our salary provides. And, even if we are not caught, we may lose our pay for the day and also risk damaging our sense of self-esteem as a result of lying. Likewise, if we choose to watch television instead of studying for an important exam, it may be easier and more enjoyable at the time, but we won’t do as well on the exam and we may even fail. These consequences don’t happen as a punishment, but simply because that is the way life is.


In my own life, I have found the same thing. My irresponsible choices usually had some short-term benefits, but they were far outweighed by the long-term consequences. Living irresponsibly is like buying on credit. By the time we pay it off, we’ve paid far more than it was worth. Conversely, while responsible choices may require sacrifices and take effort, they usually lead to increasingly positive rewards in the future. Struggling to live responsibly is like making an investment - an investment in our future – that will pay dividends. I’ve found that responsible behavior usually pays dividends. The total benefit of my responsible actions is often greater than my initial investment of time, energy, and effort.

Every little thing we do - every choice, every thought and every act - unquestionably plays a role in dictating the consequences of our lives. And although we can choose to pay now or pay later, eventually we will always pay.

Our Higher Power

In order to provide the moral foundation and guidance necessary to turn our lives around, I believe that we must find and accept a power greater than ourselves. Accepting the existence of this higher power can help strengthen us and help us find the consistency, resolve, and courage we need to change.

Some people may find it difficult to believe in a higher power. For much of my life, I was the same way. But then I looked at the world around me and realized that it couldn’t have happened by accident. Believing our world and universe was created by some sort of random explosion is like believing that we could detonate a pile of garbage and then, when the dust cleared, have a fully furnished house complete with cable television and a well-stocked refrigerator.

There is just too much purpose and harmony in this world for there to be no purpose in life. There is too much diversity. Our existence is too structured, too balanced, and too wonderfully beautiful for there to be no divine providence.

However, even though I truly believe in a loving God who wants the best for each of us, I am not trying to convert anyone to my religious beliefs. Your higher power or higher purpose may take any form you envision. It may be God. Or it may be honesty, truth, family, love, freedom, or even success.

"Mental health requires that the human will submit itself to something higher than itself. To function decently in this world we must submit ourselves to some principle that takes precedence over what we might want at any given moment."

Moral Inventory

The next step in our preparation to change should be to take an inventory of our lives. In order to take a proper inventory we need to:

• Write down all the things we have done wrong in our lives and list the consequences – for ourselves and others. This step will take some time. It is not good enough to quickly scan our lives and say, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes and being in jail has been miserable for me,” and then be finished.

• Be thorough. For our list to be effective, we must drop all our defenses and write down every crime, irresponsible behavior and lie that we can remember.

• Search out all the flaws and faults in ourselves which may have contributed to this criminal lifestyle. It is important to figure out why we have made the choices that we did.

• List our fears and resentments.

• Make amends and restitution whenever possible. There will be some wrongs which we can never right, but we must make an honest attempt to make things right.

Prepare to Change

To prepare for the change process, we should first:


• Formalize the acceptance of our problems and confirm our commitment to change. We can do this by declaring, not only to ourselves but also to another person, that we have been irresponsibel and committed crimes - and that we intend to do something to turn our lives around.

• Accept full responsibility for our past, present, and future choices.

• Stop blaming others for our problems and seeing ourselves as victims of life’s circumstances when we suffer the harsh consequences of our actions.

• Recognize and accept that our success, or failure, in life is fully dependent on the choices we make.

As human beings with intelligence, self-awareness and free will, we have the responsibility (response - ability) to be the cause of the consequences we want in our lives. We have the ability to respond to the circumstances in our life in a way that leads to success and happiness.

Commitment

Once we have accepted our weaknesses and acknowledged a need to change, the next step is to make the commitment to do anything, and everything, necessary to change. If we want to be successful, we can’t go into this half-heartedly; we must be willing to do whatever it takes. This entails not only making the commitment to ourselves, but also to other people in our lives who can help us stay focused.

Taking Responsibility

Our first major step towards change involves reviewing our life’s choices and their consequences. We must admit to ourselves that we are a criminal – we are guilty of committing a crime – and that we need to change. Certainly, there may have been times when we’ve acted responsibly and honestly. And even times when we have been very helpful and loving. However, these positive instances do not, and cannot, make up for the damage done by even one criminal or irresponsible act.


Few of us are willing to admit that there may be something wrong with us. We feel that it is a sign of weakness to do so. Even while sitting in a prison cell, I didn’t view myself as a criminal or a threat to society. I saw others as the real criminals. Guys that were in prison for murder and rape – those were the real criminals. I convinced myself that my property crimes and drug offenses weren’t violent, and that nobody really got hurt. I told myself that I was basically a good person who had just made a mistake.

The failure to accept that we are criminals and admit that we need to change can be one of the biggest obstacles to overcome. Almost every criminal has an excuse for his or her criminal and irresponsible behavior. Some claim that they are the victim of a racist or corrupt system. Others blame drugs, the people they hung around with, their childhood, or even the victims themselves. Many of us hearken back all the good things we have ever done and believe that this somehow atones for our mistakes. Or, we self-righteously list all the crimes that we would never commit, while overlooking the pain and suffering we have already caused. Yet, “until a person can say deeply and honestly ‘I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday’ that person cannot say, ‘I choose otherwise’.”

Much of the time, we’re not the only ones who downplay the impact of our actions. Often family and friends will unintentionally deny our need to change by maintaining that we just made a mistake. They blame our actions on our friends, on drugs, or on some other scapegoat. Although this may be comforting for everyone, it can be harmful if it prevents us from acknowledging our need to change.

Certainly, not everyone in prison is a criminal - and not all criminals are in prison. However, if you have committed a crime and making mistakes has become a pattern in your life, then you are a criminal and you need to figure out what is wrong.

Just do it!!

The choice to live responsibly is only the first of an infinite series of choices. Realistically, the decision to live responsibly must be made again and again, each day, with each choice we make. This is not easy. However, most of us are very stubborn when it comes to getting what we want. There isn’t much we can’t do when we set our minds to it. Thus, if we can simply focus this passion and single-mindedness away from irresponsible and criminal activities and toward responsible living, we are bound to succeed.

Do Something

Although most guys leave prison with the intention of never returning, the high recidivism rates prove them wrong. The fact is that no true change can ever happen without the proper focus, effort and endurance. No one is going to eliminate a lifetime of irresponsible thoughts and behaviors overnight. True change doesn’t happen magically – it requires you to do something.

Complete and Total Change

The first time I was released from prison, I didn’t think there was a need for a complete and total change. I believed that dabbling with irresponsibility was acceptable as long as I didn’t cross the line. I could drink and party as long as I didn’t do any “heavy drugs”. I could lie and cheat at work as long as I didn’t do anything that I could get arrested for.

However, I now realize that whenever I allow myself to start acting irresponsibly, I always end up crossing that line. That is just the way I am. One irresponsible act always leads to another even more irresponsible act. Step-by-step my behavior snowballs and it becomes harder and harder to control myself. As time passes, I want to do something a little more exciting and a little more daring. I want more risk and more “fun”. And, eventually I lose sight of reality.

In this regard, I am much like the alcoholic who only intends to have one drink, but ends up losing control and getting drunk. Certainly, some men and women can think and act irresponsibly at times and yet never cross the line. Or if they do, they can pull themselves back and regain control. However, some of us cannot. Just as an alcoholic can never take the first drink, we cannot allow ourselves the first irresponsible act.

Becoming part of the solution

I have often heard that taking responsibility is the key to finding a solution. I would like to take this one step further: taking responsibility is also the key to creating a solution. Rather than simply accepting the consequences of our behavior, taking responsibility for our life means actively using our abilities of examination and imagination to create the consequences we want in our life. Living responsibly entails taking control of our life by choosing to respond to all of the challenges we face in a manner that is directed by our purpose, our goals, and the reality of our situation. With each choice we make, we create our own consequences and we create our own opportunities.

Education and job skills training in prison is only part of the solution

Although educational, vocational, and drug/alcohol abuse programs all play an important role in criminal rehabilitation, they are secondary to the development of personal character. No matter how skillful or brilliant we are, we cannot be successful if we lack integrity, self-control, self-esteem, and empathy for others. It is impossible for us to grow through deceit and insincerity. A fundamentally flawed character can only lead to distorted thoughts and perceptions. Thoughts and perceptions that then lead to irresponsible behavior.

Current educational and vocational programs offered to criminals lack the basics required to help us lead a responsible life. Solely educating a criminal will only result in an educated criminal – not a changed criminal. These programs simply do not provide the knowledge or demand the intensity of focus or conviction necessary for the enormous amount of change required. We may gain skills and knowledge, but if we retain our errors in thinking and perception, we will remain fundamentally flawed.

The Decision to Change

I can still remember the day that I decided to do whatever it took to change and turn my life around.  I was sitting in a prison cell in Appleton Minnesota and the reality of my situation hit me like a freight train.  I started to cry.  I just couldn't believe that my life had ended up the way it had.  And, I was scared that I had dug a hole so deep for myself that there was no chance of redemption.

My wife had left me and I had just returned from the funeral service of a good freind who had passed away from spinal meningitus at the age of 23.  I remember thinking how fragile life was, and feelng an extreem sorrow and shame for how my life had turned out.  I knew that I had to do something - or nothing was ever going to change.  So, I resolved to do whatever it took to get my life back on track.

Yet, even as I made this promise to myself I realized that I had made this resolution to change many times in the past - usually the result of being caught and punished. However, in the past, this desire to change would usually fade quickly and the vicious cycle would start over. One tiny irresponsible act would lead to another. Each act would become a little more irresponsible until eventually I was back doing the same things as before – or even worse. It was as if I were challenging the fates to bring me down. When they didn’t, I rejoiced in my shrewdness. However, this short-lived merriment always ended with the painful slap of reality once I got caught…and resolved to change again.


It is hardly surprising that every guy in prison that I talked to was caught in a similar vicious cycle. We had vowed to change at some point in our lives, only to revert back to our criminal ways. We would tell ourselves that we would never again use drugs, steal or hurt others. But, we did. None of us ever wanted to be arrested or return to prison. But, we did. We all wanted to be successful, important, and in control. We wanted to make our friends and families proud. But all we ever seemed to do was cause them pain and suffering.

A proven path to Criminal Rehabilitation - Success through responsible living

Is someone you love in Prison...or headed there?

Are they making poor choices and decisions?

Are they unhappy with the way their life is turning out?

My name is Andrew Matson. In 1991 I was convicted of burglary and theft and sentenced to 30 years in prison as a Habitual Criminal. For most people this would be the end of the story, but for me it was just the beginning.

While sitting alone in a prison cell I realized that unless I did something to turn my life around that nothing was ever going to change. I decided then that I wanted much more out of life than “3 hot’s and a cot” in a prison cell so I set out on a journey of discovery and change.

Some may say that people can’t change, but I know firsthand that they can. Miracles can happen with the right focus and the right tools. Throughout a journey that has spanned over two decades I have discovered the keys necessary to turn my life around and become a successful contributing member of society.

Over the years I kept a record of my journey and wrote down everything that I discovered about myself and the men that I spent time with in prison. This journal became the foundation of my book “Choose to do Right – A proven path to criminal rehabilitation”. My book outlines over 40 different errors in thinking and perception that lead to irresponsible behavior and crime. This life changing book also provides strategies and suggestions for overcoming these errors in thinking and perception, leading to a more responsible and productive life. My goal is to help people change the basic paradigms through which they see the world and enable them see themselves and the world around them from a more responsible perspective. I am living proof that the principles and concepts surrounding this paradigm shift can work.

During my incarceration I was blessed with the opportunity to participate in some programs (“Project Tomorrow” and “Shape-Up”) in which I was able to work with at risk youth and experience the inner joy and satisfaction that can come from helping others. This experience helped me to define my purpose and to discover my calling in life. My dream is to help others avoid making the same mistakes that I made, and to help give them the tools necessary to turn their lives around and be happy and successful. By helping others make responsible decisions, I feel that not only can I add meaning and purpose to my life, but also help to keep myself properly focused on living responsibly.

In my 15 years in prison I never meet anyone who wanted to spend their life in prison. Every prisoner had the desire to get out and stay out. However, as recidivism rates sadly show, most of them do return to prison. This isn’t due to a lack of desire. Nobody wants to be in prison. It is simply due to the fact that these people don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to be successful once they get out. They are not prepared to live responsibly.

Since my release in 2003, I have graduated form the University of Colorado with a degree in Psychology, worked my way up the corporate ladder to become Vice President of a multi-national company, served in a variety of volunteer positions in my church and in the community, and been a productive member of society. I currently live with my wife and 4 children in Parker Colorado and continue to be successful as I apply the principles of responsible living in my own life.

There is hope – people can turn their lives around and become successful!! And with over 7.3 million people currently in the prison system in the US according to the Denver Post (Denver Post, Tuesday March 3, 2009, pg. 6A) there are many people who could benefit from my book. Almost 19 years ago I was convicted as a Habitual criminal. If I can turn my life around, anyone can do it. Using the strategies and tools that are outlined in my book anyone can turn their lives around and become a successful, productive member of society. For anyone who has ever had a problem with making the wrong choices and decisions in any aspect of their lives, this book is a must read!!

For more information about me or my book please visit my website http://www.choosetodoright.com/