Goals

In order for us to truly be successful in life, we must take responsibility for our future, consistently set realistic and responsible goals, and then actively work to achieve them. Developing and working towards responsible goals can help us develop self-discipline and enhance our self-esteem. It can also give us something concrete by which we can gauge our progress in life. Our achievements will then be like milestones on the road to creating a meaningful life.

However, we must not get so blinded by our goals that we fail to pay attention to the process by which we achieve them. As far as responsible living is concerned, it is this process which is of utmost importance. We should always focus on the little steps that are necessary to achieve our goals and struggle to build a successful life like we would a house - one brick at a time. I have found that the process by which we succeed often provides even more satisfaction than the success itself. And, responsible goals are much easier to meet when they are broken into smaller, more easily-handled pieces.

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True Success

It is important to understand that success is not an achievement, but a way of life. True success comes from within. It is the result of who we are, not what we do.  Success is actually the fruit of our abilities to imagine what we want in life, properly direct our efforts in a purposeful way towards what we want, and then sacrifice what we want now for what we want in the future.

Our own success must be measured by effort. If we hit the jackpot in the lottery, marry a rich person, or make that one big score in crime, we are not successful - we are lucky! That is why these things don’t provide the inner sense of satisfaction, self-worth, happiness and accomplishment that true success does. If we achieve or accomplish things through underhanded or deceitful means, then our success cannot be called true success, because our achievements are based on lies.

Even if we graduate from high school, earn a promotion at work, or accomplish something spectacular and then allow ourselves to become complacent or regress in our lives, I don’t believe that we can truly be called successful. It is not the individual achievements that lead to true success, happiness and satisfaction in this life, instead it is the process by which we continually achieve.

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The momentum of our choices

It is important to recognize how our thoughts, choices, and actions flow over time to create the circumstances and momentum of our lives. Step by step as we proceed through life, our choices actually compound themselves by bringing about the situations and circumstances which require the next choice. Then, with each successive choice, we create the conditions surrounding further choices. So with each choice, we initiate or sustain a momentum in our lives, a momentum going forward or in reverse. And once we get the momentum going in either direction, it becomes more and more difficult to stop. Thus, one irresponsible choice can cause us to be faced with another, even more difficult choice that we may not have confronted had we simply made the proper choice in the first place.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Following the Rules

In order to live harmoniously and be productive in a free society, we must learn to abide by the rules. Contrary to the opinion of many people, rules are not made to be broken. Although we may not personally agree with, or even understand all the rules which are set forth by representatives of society, the majority of them have a good reason and purpose behind them. While most rules are intended to inhibit individuals from infringing on the rights of others and to prevent them from hurting themselves, the rest are usually a consequence of someone else’s actions - one person messes it up for everyone else.

If we don’t like a rule, then we have the option to go through the necessary steps to responsibly get it changed. We can circulate petitions, plan lawful protests, and argue our case in front of those who are responsible for making and imposing the rules and laws. However, we must never allow ourselves to view rules as optional or intended for other people. We must follow all the rules no matter how petty, meaningless, "stupid", or obscure they may be. If we choose to follow our past patterns of complaining about, arguing about, bending, and just plain disregarding the rules we don’t like or understand, we will assuredly fail in our attempt to change - and we’ll suffer the consequences. And realistically, if we can’t follow the rules set forth by a free society, if we can’t accept the responsibilities which are our intrinsic part of freedom, then we don’t deserve to be free.

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Perseverance

The key to success is not perfection, but perseverance.

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Excuses and Justifications

Quite simply, excuses and justifications can be found for almost any irresponsible or criminal act if we look hard enough. Even good intentions can become excuses if we allow them to. In fact, to modify an old adage, for us “the road to prison is paved with good intentions.” Even those dubious excuses “I didn’t know” and “I wasn’t sure” cannot justify or condone irresponsible or criminal behavior. As responsible individuals it is our duty to find out. Again, it is up to each one of us to personally seek to discover and understand exactly what we must do in order to live a purposeful, productive, and responsible life. No one is going to lead us through life like a child. As adults, we must ask questions, seek the proper answers, and make sure that we are doing the right things. And although those foolish excuses “but other people do it” and “I wasn’t the only one” can make us feel better by diluting our sense of responsibility, they do not negate the fact that we are personally responsible for all of our own choices, and that they will have consequences which we will have to suffer by ourselves. As my parents used to say, we must ask ourselves the question, “If everyone was jumping off of a bridge would we jump off of the bridge, too?” Just because everyone else did it wouldn’t make us any less dead!

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Lame Excuses

At some point in all our lives, this victim perspective has surfaced in order to excuse and justify our irresponsible and criminal behavior - especially after we have been caught. Many of us contend that we committed our crimes because of:


• drugs

• a drug addiction

• the people we hung around with

• our race

• our socioeconomic standing

• a lack of education

• our family life

• society in general

• and even the victim


And most of us have complained at some point that we are in prison because someone snitched on us, we were set up, or the system screwed us. Indeed, we have used almost every form of self-deceit and deception to maintain our unrealistic self-image and hide from the reality of the fact that we are who we are, and where we are, because of choices we have made.

In essence, what we are telling ourselves when we maintain a victim perspective is that we don’t have total control over our own lives. Therefore, when we fail or get caught, we don’t have to personally accept the full responsibility for our own choices or the consequences which are simply the result of these choices. With a victim perspective, our self-image doesn’t suffer when we fail or are not perfect. In reality, however, this unrealistic perspective and the excuses it provokes are simply cop-outs that we use to justify a lack of effort and an unwillingness to follow the rules or take responsibility for our own lives.

Yet, even though these excuses and the victim perspective serve to diminish the control we have over our own lives, they in no way absolve us of responsibility for the consequences of our choices and behavior. Sadly, by convincing ourselves that we are the victims, we actually perpetuate our criminality, because we excuse and justify our criminal behavior. We erroneously convince ourselves that we are exonerated of responsibility for our behavior. So, we are able to forego the feelings of guilt, remorse, and sorrow that would force us to recognize and confront our criminal behavior and compel us to change.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Personal Responsibility

It is impossible to change and turn our lives around unless we first accept the fact that for the most part it was our choices in the past that led us to where we are now. We simply cannot take responsibility for our future until we hold ourselves responsible for our past. It is impossible to simultaneously view ourselves as the victim of life’s circumstance, and still responsibly take control over our lives.

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Self Criticism

Some of the time, hearing the truth about ourselves isn’t easy. Like any medicine intended to cure, criticism can be hard to swallow. But despite its undesirable taste, criticism can help set us straight. However, in order to be of any use to us, criticism from others must first be transformed into self-criticism and then followed by an active effort to correct whatever was criticized. Realistically, self-criticism is required to generate the inner drive and desire necessary to initiate and sustain the effort and sacrifice required to change and grow.

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Our Self-Esteem

We must learn to transfer our source of approval and criticism from others to ourselves. If we continue to allow others to influence our perception of ourselves and dictate how we are going to respond, then it is our own fault, not theirs. Realistically, we can never become what other people think of us unless we allow them to dictate what we think of ourselves. The only way that the thoughtless and immature words and behaviors of others can hurt us is if, through our response to these words and behaviors, we empower them to.


When we value belonging, being accepted, and being perceived as special above our own integrity and self-esteem, then we lose control, and we diminish our ability to grow and change. We also tend to distort reality. However, if we simply refuse to allow others to unrealistically influence how we perceive ourselves, regardless of what they do or say, then we give ourselves the freedom to dictate our own responses and control our own lives. We empower ourselves to grow and change.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Living Consciously

In order to move forward in our lives we must learn to live consciously. “Living consciously implies respect for the facts of reality. This means the facts of our inner world as well as of the outer world.” When we live consciously, we do not always have to like what we see in ourselves. In fact, not liking what we see can give us the primary motivation necessary to change. To live consciously we must only recognize that what is, is, and what is not, is not. Our first loyalty must be to the truth and reality, not simply making ourselves right through the self-deception of justifications and excuses.

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Learning from our Mistakes

Once we recognize our mistakes, we must struggle to never again allow ourselves to do the same thing, or anything like it, again. Learning from our experiences is an essential part of the growth process. We are all going to make mistakes as we struggle to responsibly move forward in life. However, if used properly, our mistakes can actually become an opportunity for growth. In fact, we can often learn more from our mistakes and failures than we can from our successes. It is only when these mistakes and failures are excused or shut off, and not used as a guide for future choices, that they become useless, and even detrimental.


When we choose not to correct and learn from our mistakes, they gain power over us. They serve to perpetuate self-deception, and damage any trust or confidence we may have in ourselves. Thus, we compound our mistake with another even more damaging mistake and cause even deeper injury to ourselves. So, we must struggle to make sure that all the lessons we learn become operational in our decision-making process. If we don’t, then we risk the chance of forgetting about them and making the same mistake again. Even little slip-ups or misunderstandings cannot be overlooked, excused or tolerated. Making a little mistake isn’t so much the issue. Instead, it is our past pattern of making exceptions and excuses for our mistakes, failing to learn from them, and continually allowing one mistake or slip-up to lead to another, and another, and another.

In the end, the only way we can truly overcome our mistakes, correct our errors in thinking, reprogram our mind, and develop responsible patterns of thinking and decision-making is by actually doing these things. It is in the conscious struggle to learn from our experiences and make the correct choices, and through the effort and sacrifice necessary to implement these choices, that we are given the opportunity to grow and develop. Good thoughts, choices, and habits can only be developed and fortified in the same way that we developed and fortified our irresponsible thoughts and habits - through repetition. Thus, in order to grow, we must take action. We must implement all the lessons we learn and struggle to overcome all the habitual remnants of our past way of life. Our opportunities lie in the way we confront our difficult choices, bear our burdens, and struggle to transcend the habitual responses of our defective subconscious programming. Ultimately, it is this joyous challenge - the struggle to responsibly think, make decisions, achieve, and move forward in our lives - that will become the essence and reward of a responsible way of life.

http://www.choosetodoright.com/

Responsible Decisions

Responsible decision-making is a process based on responsible thinking.