We must learn to control our thinking if we are ever going to learn to control our lives. In order to do this we must first accept that we are not victims of the kind of thoughts which pass through our heads. We can, and do, have control over our own thinking. Our thoughts are not intruders in our mind over which we have no control, but instead a result of our own conscious focus and programming. Even though we may sometimes give up control over our thinking, we are always capable of focusing our mind on certain objectives and seeking reality if we so desire. If we want to study for a math exam, then we can focus our thinking on our notes and textbooks. And, if we want to do well at work, then we can focus our thinking on the task at hand. In the past, we have often controlled our thinking when it came to irresponsible and criminal objectives. So there is no reason why now we can’t learn to responsibly focus and control our thoughts in order to change our point of view.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 31, 2010
March 30, 2010
The Dynamics of Change
The best place for us to overcome irresponsible choices and behavior is in our thinking. If we can destroy the seeds of irresponsible behavior and crime, then the plant will never grow. If instead of thinking about stealing we think about how we can responsibly earn the things we need, then we are less likely to steal – and more likely to be creative, productive and happy. If we learn to humble ourselves instead of thinking that we are special and superior to everyone else, then we will be less likely to behave selfishly and hurt others - and more likely to be successful. If we don’t allow ourselves to think that “others” are to blame for our problems and instead take responsibility for ourselves, then we will be more likely to learn from our mistakes and empower ourselves to grow.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 29, 2010
The Consequences of Lying
Regardless of the reason, every time we lie it has a tremendous impact on our self-esteem. Lies serve to undermine our confidence and tarnish the relationship we have with ourselves. As much as we may try, we simply cannot exempt ourselves from the knowledge of right and wrong, or from the moral consequences of our actions. Although we may try to conceal our dishonesty, at some level it inevitably influences us. Our thoughts, choices, and actions always leave either positive or negative feelings about ourselves. Even though we may try to conceal our lies from others and downplay their effect on our self-esteem, we can never really hide them from ourselves.
As Nathanial Branden explains in his book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem:
"One of the great self deceptions is to tell oneself, “Only I will know.” The implication is that my judgment is unimportant and that only the judgment of others counts. But when it comes to matters of self-esteem, I have more to fear from my own judgment than from anyone else’s. In the inner courtroom of my mind, mine is the only judgment that counts. My ego, the “I” at the center of my consciousness, is the judge from whom there is no escape. I can avoid people who have learned the humiliating truth about me. I cannot avoid myself."
When we lie, cheat or steal, we create a reputation with ourselves as a liar, cheater or thief. And no matter what others may think about us, we can’t hide the truth from ourselves. With each lie, we solidify the reputation with ourselves as liars. So, even if we forget the content of our lies, we remain a liar as far as our inner-self is concerned. And because deep down we already see ourselves as liars, we are more likely to lie in the future.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
As Nathanial Branden explains in his book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem:
"One of the great self deceptions is to tell oneself, “Only I will know.” The implication is that my judgment is unimportant and that only the judgment of others counts. But when it comes to matters of self-esteem, I have more to fear from my own judgment than from anyone else’s. In the inner courtroom of my mind, mine is the only judgment that counts. My ego, the “I” at the center of my consciousness, is the judge from whom there is no escape. I can avoid people who have learned the humiliating truth about me. I cannot avoid myself."
When we lie, cheat or steal, we create a reputation with ourselves as a liar, cheater or thief. And no matter what others may think about us, we can’t hide the truth from ourselves. With each lie, we solidify the reputation with ourselves as liars. So, even if we forget the content of our lies, we remain a liar as far as our inner-self is concerned. And because deep down we already see ourselves as liars, we are more likely to lie in the future.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 28, 2010
Criminal equivalents
As criminals, even when we are behaving responsibly, our thinking often minimizes the good in our actions. Due to the selfish motives behind our actions, responsible behavior can become an equivalent to crime in building up our self-image. When we are kind and helpful, it is often selfish - in that we expect something in return. We don’t just help to be helpful; we expect praise, recognition and indebtedness. Criminal equivalent behavior, although not criminal in nature, provides the same sense of power and excitement - the same boost to our self image – that we get from criminal behavior.
Due to our distorted point of view and the ulterior motives behind most of our behaviors, many of our thoughts and actions play the role of criminal equivalents. Basically, whether or not a thought or behavior is a criminal equivalent depends on its motive. If it is self-promoting or self-serving, then it is a criminal equivalent in that it is solely intended to boost an unrealistic self-image or quench a thirst for power and excitement.
Criminal equivalent behaviors can be seen in all aspects of our lives. When we are not involved in crime, they become the only way we can maintain our self-image and quench our thirst for power and excitement. They are demonstrated in our pretentiousness, our perfectionism, and in our desire to always be in charge. They can be seen in the way we give up when things don’t go our way. They are illustrated in our humor, which is often at the expense of others.
The problem with criminal equivalent behavior is that it is that we don't experience the same sense of joy and satisfaction that people often get from serving others. Because we seek only the material and physical rewards of our actions we don't experience any of the spiritual or emotional rewards. And, our reputation with ourselves suffers.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
Due to our distorted point of view and the ulterior motives behind most of our behaviors, many of our thoughts and actions play the role of criminal equivalents. Basically, whether or not a thought or behavior is a criminal equivalent depends on its motive. If it is self-promoting or self-serving, then it is a criminal equivalent in that it is solely intended to boost an unrealistic self-image or quench a thirst for power and excitement.
Criminal equivalent behaviors can be seen in all aspects of our lives. When we are not involved in crime, they become the only way we can maintain our self-image and quench our thirst for power and excitement. They are demonstrated in our pretentiousness, our perfectionism, and in our desire to always be in charge. They can be seen in the way we give up when things don’t go our way. They are illustrated in our humor, which is often at the expense of others.
The problem with criminal equivalent behavior is that it is that we don't experience the same sense of joy and satisfaction that people often get from serving others. Because we seek only the material and physical rewards of our actions we don't experience any of the spiritual or emotional rewards. And, our reputation with ourselves suffers.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 24, 2010
Capriciousness can be seen in many people
To a certain degree, capriciousness can be seen in many people. It is characterized by impulsive and erratic behavior. And it can be seen in the competing thoughts and desires that sabotage any type of goal or resolution. For example, it is demonstrated when a person resolves to go on a diet one day only to go on an eating binge the next. A capricious person may even go on a diet and exercise program which lasts for days or weeks. But eventually, their thinking and desires will change (usually with the help of excuses and justifications) and they’ll revert back to their old unhealthy ways of life. This can happen even when they have been told by their doctor that this could kill them. Some people may call this a lack of will power, but I will call it what it really is - a lack of conviction; a conviction for a healthy way of life. Similarly, we as criminals have a lack of conviction for a responsible way of life. And, just like some people spend their lives on and off of diets, many criminals spend their lives in and out of prison.
March 23, 2010
Capriciousness
Another characteristic that I have found to be common among criminals is our capriciousness. Capriciousness is the term I have found that best describes the “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” personality that we all display to some degree. It is characterized by inconsistencies in thought, attitude and behavior.
Due to our shifting states of mind, and our ability to shut-off and erode deterrents, we can switch from “loving and kind” to “mean and selfish” in almost an instant. We may go to church at 9:00 and then be involved in a crime at 10:00. Or, we may talk about getting our life together one minute only to do something extremely irresponsible or criminal the next.
We all go through phases where we are good and make responsible decisions. At times, we can be the most obedient child, honest employee, or giving person. However, these temporary phases inevitably give way to irresponsible thoughts, behaviors and crime as we search to build up our self-image. Thus, we become an enigma to all who know us, often showing a kindness and helpfulness that are as genuine as our selfishness and destructiveness.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
Due to our shifting states of mind, and our ability to shut-off and erode deterrents, we can switch from “loving and kind” to “mean and selfish” in almost an instant. We may go to church at 9:00 and then be involved in a crime at 10:00. Or, we may talk about getting our life together one minute only to do something extremely irresponsible or criminal the next.
We all go through phases where we are good and make responsible decisions. At times, we can be the most obedient child, honest employee, or giving person. However, these temporary phases inevitably give way to irresponsible thoughts, behaviors and crime as we search to build up our self-image. Thus, we become an enigma to all who know us, often showing a kindness and helpfulness that are as genuine as our selfishness and destructiveness.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 22, 2010
Avoiding consciousness
We all have the ability to choose to focus our conscious awareness in order to search for truth and reality. On the other hand, we also have the free-will to drop to a lower level of consciousness to avoid and shut off the truth. “In a situation in which our emotional feelings are overwhelmingly painful or unpleasant, we have the capacity to anesthetize ourselves.”[1] And even though most people would find it almost impossible to shut off their conscious awareness of the deterrents to criminal behavior, the avoidance of consciousness can be seen in many irresponsible behaviors.
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[1] Peck, M. Scott M.D., “PEOPLE OF THE LIE: THE HOPE FOR HEALING HUMAN EVIL” (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1983) pp.227
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[1] Peck, M. Scott M.D., “PEOPLE OF THE LIE: THE HOPE FOR HEALING HUMAN EVIL” (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1983) pp.227
March 20, 2010
The "Shut off" Mechanism
Another characteristic that all criminals share is the ability to anesthetize ourselves and become numb to our emotions and the potential consequences of our behavior. This "shut off" mechanism enables us to eliminate internal deterrents to irresponsible behavior, such as fear and guilt, and to disregard any lessons learned from experience. This defensive mechanism is the cornerstone of our lifestyle. Without this ability to avoid conscious awareness, we couldn’t continue to choose to commit crime.
Internal and external deterrents usually keep most people from committing crimes. Internal deterrents include a person’s morals, values, belief in God, fear, guilt, empathy for a victim, and pangs of conscience. External deterrents are the ones outside the individual that are usually reinforced by society. These include any legal consequences, including fines and prison, as well as potential ostracism from our social circle, and the loss of trust and respect from those around us.
As criminals, we are not devoid of emotion or incapable of learning from experience. We feel fear, guilt and shame. It’s just that we have enhanced our ability to avoid the awareness of these things when they interfere with what we want to do. However, even though this shut-off mechanism can become habitual and automatic, it is still a mental process that is totally under our control. We can always choose whether to avoid awareness or not.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
Internal and external deterrents usually keep most people from committing crimes. Internal deterrents include a person’s morals, values, belief in God, fear, guilt, empathy for a victim, and pangs of conscience. External deterrents are the ones outside the individual that are usually reinforced by society. These include any legal consequences, including fines and prison, as well as potential ostracism from our social circle, and the loss of trust and respect from those around us.
As criminals, we are not devoid of emotion or incapable of learning from experience. We feel fear, guilt and shame. It’s just that we have enhanced our ability to avoid the awareness of these things when they interfere with what we want to do. However, even though this shut-off mechanism can become habitual and automatic, it is still a mental process that is totally under our control. We can always choose whether to avoid awareness or not.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 19, 2010
Responsible choices
It is important to understand that our past choices and experiences have a tendency to influence our present thoughts and behavior. And, the more we become automatic or habitual in our decision-making, the greater this tendency becomes. However, past choices and actions do not have to dictate future ones. With each and every choice, we have the ability to reverse our present direction and choose to start anew. As human beings, we all have the capacity to focus our conscious awareness on what is right and on the consequences of our actions, or we can choose to endlessly justify and debate our choices within our minds. We can choose to overcome our past and do what is right. We can make the choices that lead to personal happiness and freedom. And if this is too difficult for us to do on our own, we can choose to seek help.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 18, 2010
Personal Responsibility
Crime is not caused by the environment, external circumstances, genetics, or drug addiction. Crime is a choice. A responsible person won’t commit a crime because of what he watches or reads, or because of the people he associates with. Crime will only happen if the criminal thoughts and perceptions are already in place. And, even though criminal thoughts and actions may become habitual, our crimes are not impulsive or compulsive. Sure, at times we may not be realistic in our thinking, but we are solidly in touch with reality. Most of us are not mentally insane or psychopathic with no ability to control our own actions. Even though we may act impulsively in other areas of our life, we know that certain impulses lead to arrest, so we are constantly scanning our environment in order to get away with our crimes.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 17, 2010
The path to crime
As I talked with other criminals, I noticed that many of us followed the same path in life. We weren’t born criminals. We developed the errors in thinking and perception that ultimately lead to irresponsible and criminal behavior. A criminal mind doesn’t just happen - it is planted, cared for, fostered, and grown to full bloom.
Early in life we developed erroneous thoughts and perceptions that led us to make a series of choices to live a life that we soon found exciting; a life in which we were determined to do whatever we wanted; a life where we ignored the restraints and morals taught to us by our family and society. As children, many of us were extremely energetic and adventurous. We had an iron-will and often insisted on taking charge. We would become angry or upset when others didn’t do as we expected. We took risks. We became entangled in lies and difficulties, and then demanded to be bailed out and forgiven when we were caught.
As teenagers, our image was everything. Many of us were involved in gangs. Our friends were much more important than our self, so we often did stupid things in an attempt to be liked and accepted. As a teenager, I can recall many times when I did things that I knew I shouldn’t do in an effort to be liked. I shoplifted a dozen cigarette lighters so that my friends and I could each have two. I started smoking so that everyone would think that I was cool. I stole an expensive bracelet and gave it to a girl I was trying to impress. And each time that I did one of these things to boost my self-image, it was at the expense of my self-esteem.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
Early in life we developed erroneous thoughts and perceptions that led us to make a series of choices to live a life that we soon found exciting; a life in which we were determined to do whatever we wanted; a life where we ignored the restraints and morals taught to us by our family and society. As children, many of us were extremely energetic and adventurous. We had an iron-will and often insisted on taking charge. We would become angry or upset when others didn’t do as we expected. We took risks. We became entangled in lies and difficulties, and then demanded to be bailed out and forgiven when we were caught.
As teenagers, our image was everything. Many of us were involved in gangs. Our friends were much more important than our self, so we often did stupid things in an attempt to be liked and accepted. As a teenager, I can recall many times when I did things that I knew I shouldn’t do in an effort to be liked. I shoplifted a dozen cigarette lighters so that my friends and I could each have two. I started smoking so that everyone would think that I was cool. I stole an expensive bracelet and gave it to a girl I was trying to impress. And each time that I did one of these things to boost my self-image, it was at the expense of my self-esteem.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 15, 2010
The consequences of an unhealthy self-esteem
The feelings of incompetence and worthlessness that are at the root of an unhealthy self-esteem are similar in every person. However, every individual learns and develops different methods to deal, or not deal, with these feelings during their developmental years. Fortunately, many children who choose to behave in irresponsible ways in their attempt to deal with an unhealthy self-esteem, later also choose to change their perspective of life. They mature and finally develop the healthy self-esteem they deserve. Others simply learn to deal with an unhealthy self-esteem through behaviors, such as being a workaholic, a sex-aholic, a spend-aholic, or an overeater.
However, my book isn’t about these people. It’s about the minority of us who choose to behave extremely irresponsibly - those who choose to commit crimes. While not everybody who has an unhealthy self-esteem chooses to commit crimes, all criminals have an unhealthy self-esteem. The reasons an individual develops errors in thought and perception are as numerous as the reasons why a person doesn’t develop these errors in thought and perception. The complexity of the human mind and diversity of variables in human behavior make it impossible to pinpoint one experience or genetic trait that would definitely cause an individual to develop a criminal point-of-view.
The key is, however, that all criminals have common errors in thinking and perception that combine to create a point-of-view that is conducive to criminal thought and behavior. How and why we developed these errors is something which must be dealt with on an individual basis. Although some of these errors in thought and perception can be attributed to an already unhealthy self-esteem, many others are simply erroneous beliefs which have been cultivated and now serve to skew our moral compass.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
However, my book isn’t about these people. It’s about the minority of us who choose to behave extremely irresponsibly - those who choose to commit crimes. While not everybody who has an unhealthy self-esteem chooses to commit crimes, all criminals have an unhealthy self-esteem. The reasons an individual develops errors in thought and perception are as numerous as the reasons why a person doesn’t develop these errors in thought and perception. The complexity of the human mind and diversity of variables in human behavior make it impossible to pinpoint one experience or genetic trait that would definitely cause an individual to develop a criminal point-of-view.
The key is, however, that all criminals have common errors in thinking and perception that combine to create a point-of-view that is conducive to criminal thought and behavior. How and why we developed these errors is something which must be dealt with on an individual basis. Although some of these errors in thought and perception can be attributed to an already unhealthy self-esteem, many others are simply erroneous beliefs which have been cultivated and now serve to skew our moral compass.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 12, 2010
Choices create a momentum in our lives
The more right choices we make, the more habitual it becomes to make right choices. On the other hand, the more wrong choices we make, the easier it becomes to make the wrong choices.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
Self-esteem
Our self-esteem is not constant; it fluctuates on a continuum. Instead of being something we either have or don’t have, self-esteem varies in degrees. The lower our self-esteem, the less confidence we have in ourselves and the less worthy we feel. The higher our self-esteem, the more confident, competent, and worthy we feel. Self-esteem is also not something that we can earn and store away for later - like a retirement account. It is something we must earn daily - like a paycheck. And, although not all primary sources of self-esteem are under our control (such as early childhood experiences and genetic make-up) it is primarily our thoughts, choices and actions which determine our level of self-esteem. Behavior and self-esteem are reciprocal. They are both a cause and consequence of each other.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 11, 2010
Build a Good Reputation...With Yourself.
With the right focus and effort, a miraculous thing will begin to happen. You will start to build a reputation with yourself as being an honest and responsible individual. You will trust yourself and believe in yourself. You will develop a true sense of pride and satisfaction in the things that you do. Ultimately, it is changing this inner concept of yourself, your self-esteem - the part of you that no one else can see - which is the most important.
March 10, 2010
The best of both worlds?
In the past, many of us have sought the “best of both worlds”. We would pretend to be responsible so we could continue to enjoy the comfort and affection of family and friends. At the same time, we would secretly enjoy the excitement and “proof of power” that comes with irresponsible and criminal behavior. Naturally, a responsible way of life cannot work this way.
If your goal is to be responsible, mixing responsibility with irresponsibility is like taking strychnine with your morning vitamins - the goodness of one simply cannot remedy the bad effects of the other. Our good deeds can never make up for our bad ones, and eventually we will suffer the consequences of trying to lead a double life.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
If your goal is to be responsible, mixing responsibility with irresponsibility is like taking strychnine with your morning vitamins - the goodness of one simply cannot remedy the bad effects of the other. Our good deeds can never make up for our bad ones, and eventually we will suffer the consequences of trying to lead a double life.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 9, 2010
A mans thinking
Our thinking guides our choices and crime is always a choice. We are not forced to commit a crime; we alone have control over our actions. We all have knowledge of right and wrong. Most of us are also capable of feeling the full effects of a guilty conscience and the dissonance associated with irresponsible behavior. We know it is wrong to murder, steal, and hurt others. That’s why we attempt to cover up our crimes. And even when we get caught, most of us try to hide the full knowledge of our crimes from others.
An individual’s actions are simply a reflection of the action in his mind. However, many different things combine to form the action within one’s mind. The way a man thinks is not only influenced by what he knows, but more importantly, by his perceptions of himself, others, and the world around him - his point-of-view. In turn, the way a man perceives reality is influenced by many things, including genetics, assumptions and expectations based on past experiences and his relationship with himself - or his self- esteem.
An individual’s actions are simply a reflection of the action in his mind. However, many different things combine to form the action within one’s mind. The way a man thinks is not only influenced by what he knows, but more importantly, by his perceptions of himself, others, and the world around him - his point-of-view. In turn, the way a man perceives reality is influenced by many things, including genetics, assumptions and expectations based on past experiences and his relationship with himself - or his self- esteem.
March 8, 2010
The Rewards of Responsible Living
It is important to start our responsible journey with a positive perspective and attitude. We’ve all lived responsibly at various times in the past. To succeed now, we must simply put together a series of these responsible choices and begin to stabilize our lives. And we must believe in ourselves.
Responsible living has many rewards. A major one is the peace of mind that comes with a clean conscience. We will no longer need to constantly look over our shoulder, and worry about being caught and punished.
Living responsibly also brings with it true personal freedom.
• Freedom to realize our potential
• Freedom to use our talents
• Freedom from personal jeopardy
• Freedom to grow and develop
• Freedom from the misery of a guilty conscience
• Freedom to openly be ourselves.
The constant worry and anxiety that are part of living a life of lies will disappear. Instead, there will be a sense of pride, self-respect and integrity. Spiritual and intellectual suffocation will be replaced with the sense of accomplishment and self-esteem that comes from an honest day’s work. Gradually, we will begin to trust ourselves and earn the trust and respect of others.
These rewards are non-existent in the criminal way of life. As criminals, we are never satisfied. The more we get, the more we want. The more we succeed, the more we crave success. The more we prove ourselves, the more often we feel the need to prove ourselves again. Nothing is ever good enough for us, not even ourselves.
Sure a criminal life can be exciting, but that’s not to say that a responsible life is devoid of excitement or pleasure. It simply takes a different form. And over time, it becomes even more exciting, pleasurable, and fulfilling as we begin to build a life for ourselves and start earning the trust and respect of others. With this comes an inner peace that money can’t buy.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
Responsible living has many rewards. A major one is the peace of mind that comes with a clean conscience. We will no longer need to constantly look over our shoulder, and worry about being caught and punished.
Living responsibly also brings with it true personal freedom.
• Freedom to realize our potential
• Freedom to use our talents
• Freedom from personal jeopardy
• Freedom to grow and develop
• Freedom from the misery of a guilty conscience
• Freedom to openly be ourselves.
The constant worry and anxiety that are part of living a life of lies will disappear. Instead, there will be a sense of pride, self-respect and integrity. Spiritual and intellectual suffocation will be replaced with the sense of accomplishment and self-esteem that comes from an honest day’s work. Gradually, we will begin to trust ourselves and earn the trust and respect of others.
These rewards are non-existent in the criminal way of life. As criminals, we are never satisfied. The more we get, the more we want. The more we succeed, the more we crave success. The more we prove ourselves, the more often we feel the need to prove ourselves again. Nothing is ever good enough for us, not even ourselves.
Sure a criminal life can be exciting, but that’s not to say that a responsible life is devoid of excitement or pleasure. It simply takes a different form. And over time, it becomes even more exciting, pleasurable, and fulfilling as we begin to build a life for ourselves and start earning the trust and respect of others. With this comes an inner peace that money can’t buy.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 6, 2010
The Consequences of Responsible Living
In order to prepare ourselves to live responsibly, it is important to recognize and accept all of the consequences of our decision to change. Not only must we understand the rewarding consequences, but also the difficult ones. If we ever hope to change in a lasting way, we must start by understanding what change really means – and what it entails.
The consequences of our decision to live a responsible life can be as difficult as they are rewarding and enjoyable. Living responsibly requires more effort and sacrifice than simply doing what we want when we want to do it. Taking responsibility entails problem solving, fact finding, sacrifice, and self-motivation. We must learn to deal constructively with disappointment and adversity. And, we need to accept restraints and acknowledge that we cannot control everything.
We will also have to do things that, in the past, were difficult for us. We will need to swallow our pride and resist our desire to get even when we feel disrespected. And, we will be required to put the needs and feelings of others above our own.
To live responsibly, we will have to follow all the rules - even those we don’t understand or agree with. We might not comprehend the necessity of a certain rule, however, that does not give us license to disregard it. Certainly, if we do not understand a rule or think it is unfair, we can attempt to have it changed. But, we cannot ever behave as if it doesn’t exist just because it doesn’t fall in line with our own idea of what is right.
As we begin to struggle with responsibility, it is inevitable that at times we will become bored and even somewhat depressed. We will miss the excitement of our past way of life. However, we can relieve the boredom by continuously focusing on all the little details of changing ourselves and learning to live responsibly.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
The consequences of our decision to live a responsible life can be as difficult as they are rewarding and enjoyable. Living responsibly requires more effort and sacrifice than simply doing what we want when we want to do it. Taking responsibility entails problem solving, fact finding, sacrifice, and self-motivation. We must learn to deal constructively with disappointment and adversity. And, we need to accept restraints and acknowledge that we cannot control everything.
We will also have to do things that, in the past, were difficult for us. We will need to swallow our pride and resist our desire to get even when we feel disrespected. And, we will be required to put the needs and feelings of others above our own.
To live responsibly, we will have to follow all the rules - even those we don’t understand or agree with. We might not comprehend the necessity of a certain rule, however, that does not give us license to disregard it. Certainly, if we do not understand a rule or think it is unfair, we can attempt to have it changed. But, we cannot ever behave as if it doesn’t exist just because it doesn’t fall in line with our own idea of what is right.
As we begin to struggle with responsibility, it is inevitable that at times we will become bored and even somewhat depressed. We will miss the excitement of our past way of life. However, we can relieve the boredom by continuously focusing on all the little details of changing ourselves and learning to live responsibly.
http://www.choosetodoright.com/
March 5, 2010
Consequences
When we act irresponsibly, we may benefit somewhat in the short-term, but in the end, we will suffer a consequence because of the nature of cause and effect. If we call in sick to work because there is something else we want to do, we may benefit for the moment because we get to do what we wanted to do. But, we also risk losing our job and the things our salary provides. And, even if we are not caught, we may lose our pay for the day and also risk damaging our sense of self-esteem as a result of lying. Likewise, if we choose to watch television instead of studying for an important exam, it may be easier and more enjoyable at the time, but we won’t do as well on the exam and we may even fail. These consequences don’t happen as a punishment, but simply because that is the way life is.
In my own life, I have found the same thing. My irresponsible choices usually had some short-term benefits, but they were far outweighed by the long-term consequences. Living irresponsibly is like buying on credit. By the time we pay it off, we’ve paid far more than it was worth. Conversely, while responsible choices may require sacrifices and take effort, they usually lead to increasingly positive rewards in the future. Struggling to live responsibly is like making an investment - an investment in our future – that will pay dividends. I’ve found that responsible behavior usually pays dividends. The total benefit of my responsible actions is often greater than my initial investment of time, energy, and effort.
Every little thing we do - every choice, every thought and every act - unquestionably plays a role in dictating the consequences of our lives. And although we can choose to pay now or pay later, eventually we will always pay.
In my own life, I have found the same thing. My irresponsible choices usually had some short-term benefits, but they were far outweighed by the long-term consequences. Living irresponsibly is like buying on credit. By the time we pay it off, we’ve paid far more than it was worth. Conversely, while responsible choices may require sacrifices and take effort, they usually lead to increasingly positive rewards in the future. Struggling to live responsibly is like making an investment - an investment in our future – that will pay dividends. I’ve found that responsible behavior usually pays dividends. The total benefit of my responsible actions is often greater than my initial investment of time, energy, and effort.
Every little thing we do - every choice, every thought and every act - unquestionably plays a role in dictating the consequences of our lives. And although we can choose to pay now or pay later, eventually we will always pay.
March 4, 2010
Our Higher Power
In order to provide the moral foundation and guidance necessary to turn our lives around, I believe that we must find and accept a power greater than ourselves. Accepting the existence of this higher power can help strengthen us and help us find the consistency, resolve, and courage we need to change.
Some people may find it difficult to believe in a higher power. For much of my life, I was the same way. But then I looked at the world around me and realized that it couldn’t have happened by accident. Believing our world and universe was created by some sort of random explosion is like believing that we could detonate a pile of garbage and then, when the dust cleared, have a fully furnished house complete with cable television and a well-stocked refrigerator.
There is just too much purpose and harmony in this world for there to be no purpose in life. There is too much diversity. Our existence is too structured, too balanced, and too wonderfully beautiful for there to be no divine providence.
However, even though I truly believe in a loving God who wants the best for each of us, I am not trying to convert anyone to my religious beliefs. Your higher power or higher purpose may take any form you envision. It may be God. Or it may be honesty, truth, family, love, freedom, or even success.
"Mental health requires that the human will submit itself to something higher than itself. To function decently in this world we must submit ourselves to some principle that takes precedence over what we might want at any given moment."
Some people may find it difficult to believe in a higher power. For much of my life, I was the same way. But then I looked at the world around me and realized that it couldn’t have happened by accident. Believing our world and universe was created by some sort of random explosion is like believing that we could detonate a pile of garbage and then, when the dust cleared, have a fully furnished house complete with cable television and a well-stocked refrigerator.
There is just too much purpose and harmony in this world for there to be no purpose in life. There is too much diversity. Our existence is too structured, too balanced, and too wonderfully beautiful for there to be no divine providence.
However, even though I truly believe in a loving God who wants the best for each of us, I am not trying to convert anyone to my religious beliefs. Your higher power or higher purpose may take any form you envision. It may be God. Or it may be honesty, truth, family, love, freedom, or even success.
"Mental health requires that the human will submit itself to something higher than itself. To function decently in this world we must submit ourselves to some principle that takes precedence over what we might want at any given moment."
March 3, 2010
Moral Inventory
The next step in our preparation to change should be to take an inventory of our lives. In order to take a proper inventory we need to:
• Write down all the things we have done wrong in our lives and list the consequences – for ourselves and others. This step will take some time. It is not good enough to quickly scan our lives and say, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes and being in jail has been miserable for me,” and then be finished.
• Be thorough. For our list to be effective, we must drop all our defenses and write down every crime, irresponsible behavior and lie that we can remember.
• Search out all the flaws and faults in ourselves which may have contributed to this criminal lifestyle. It is important to figure out why we have made the choices that we did.
• List our fears and resentments.
• Make amends and restitution whenever possible. There will be some wrongs which we can never right, but we must make an honest attempt to make things right.
• Write down all the things we have done wrong in our lives and list the consequences – for ourselves and others. This step will take some time. It is not good enough to quickly scan our lives and say, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes and being in jail has been miserable for me,” and then be finished.
• Be thorough. For our list to be effective, we must drop all our defenses and write down every crime, irresponsible behavior and lie that we can remember.
• Search out all the flaws and faults in ourselves which may have contributed to this criminal lifestyle. It is important to figure out why we have made the choices that we did.
• List our fears and resentments.
• Make amends and restitution whenever possible. There will be some wrongs which we can never right, but we must make an honest attempt to make things right.
March 2, 2010
Prepare to Change
To prepare for the change process, we should first:
• Formalize the acceptance of our problems and confirm our commitment to change. We can do this by declaring, not only to ourselves but also to another person, that we have been irresponsibel and committed crimes - and that we intend to do something to turn our lives around.
• Accept full responsibility for our past, present, and future choices.
• Stop blaming others for our problems and seeing ourselves as victims of life’s circumstances when we suffer the harsh consequences of our actions.
• Recognize and accept that our success, or failure, in life is fully dependent on the choices we make.
As human beings with intelligence, self-awareness and free will, we have the responsibility (response - ability) to be the cause of the consequences we want in our lives. We have the ability to respond to the circumstances in our life in a way that leads to success and happiness.
• Formalize the acceptance of our problems and confirm our commitment to change. We can do this by declaring, not only to ourselves but also to another person, that we have been irresponsibel and committed crimes - and that we intend to do something to turn our lives around.
• Accept full responsibility for our past, present, and future choices.
• Stop blaming others for our problems and seeing ourselves as victims of life’s circumstances when we suffer the harsh consequences of our actions.
• Recognize and accept that our success, or failure, in life is fully dependent on the choices we make.
As human beings with intelligence, self-awareness and free will, we have the responsibility (response - ability) to be the cause of the consequences we want in our lives. We have the ability to respond to the circumstances in our life in a way that leads to success and happiness.
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