Complete and Total Change

The first time I was released from prison, I didn’t think there was a need for a complete and total change. I believed that dabbling with irresponsibility was acceptable as long as I didn’t cross the line. I could drink and party as long as I didn’t do any “heavy drugs”. I could lie and cheat at work as long as I didn’t do anything that I could get arrested for.

However, I now realize that whenever I allow myself to start acting irresponsibly, I always end up crossing that line. That is just the way I am. One irresponsible act always leads to another even more irresponsible act. Step-by-step my behavior snowballs and it becomes harder and harder to control myself. As time passes, I want to do something a little more exciting and a little more daring. I want more risk and more “fun”. And, eventually I lose sight of reality.

In this regard, I am much like the alcoholic who only intends to have one drink, but ends up losing control and getting drunk. Certainly, some men and women can think and act irresponsibly at times and yet never cross the line. Or if they do, they can pull themselves back and regain control. However, some of us cannot. Just as an alcoholic can never take the first drink, we cannot allow ourselves the first irresponsible act.